Overboard
All Around the World
Direct overboard bug reports to >>>/meta/
/bm/
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"Bottling only makes it harder.
This thread is intented for people who would like to rant and write out their feelings.
It's possible to just spill everything in the textbox, explain it detailed or even write poems/haikus or stories, whatever your want.
You can give yourself a time- or character limit if you feel overwhelmed with writing down all that is going on.
You may also ask for advice or similiar.
It's hard to keep up a happy face, don't hide under a mask in order to lie to yourself.
Be honest with yourself and your feelings, that's the first step towards self improvement"
Right now this guy I know talked to his friend group and made a serious commitment to break up with his gf is their issues don't get resolved, which means 80% of them breaking up, by mid December. Feels awkward talking to his girlfriend now because I know their relationship is bust
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there stood a girl angry at the world,
somewhere running through a cable of systematic emotion.
Will it reach the girl's artificial heart?
When the day comes,
I want to convey the "me",
that has hidden in "you".
I don't know why but with all the hype about it in the news triggered me so I thought "well why not" maybe this time it will cure my depression.
Nope.
Spent the last six hours re-realizing how much I hate myself and how eternally fucked I am.
Stupid cunt, should have known
set and setting, anon. you should have changed environment / music / lighting after a while.
/dr/
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I had a strange one recently, though most of my dreams aren't at all based in common reality, this one stood out not only because it felt like I was in a situation that could happen (in non-dream standards, mind you), but I was also me at an age of I think around 12-13. It also featured my little sister, around the age of 7 or 8 (her current age).
Basically what happens is that our mother who I can only assume is the last surviving of her family dies, and we were left to go live with our older adoptive sister. This is all assumed, as in this is kind of the context I was feeling while in the dream, why things were happening, why I was there. Our older adoptive sister was an anthropomorphic possum though she didn't dress the same way I believe it was based on the main character from a webcomic called 'habits' or 'clementine' as some call it on vice because she was basically homeless. We walked around a downtown area of a medium sized city as she would drink alcohol and flip off cars that passed us by, edging us on to do so with her. I would, but my little sister wouldn't. Then she bought us slushies, poured alcohol into mine and I got drunk with her while my little sister just drank a normal slushy, after that I woke up.
I liked it, felt like I was having fun in the dream in the innocent way a kid at that age would despite the shitty situation.
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I distinctly remember seeing woody harrelson looking for a twinkie in the way that he would in zombieland, and I helped him look for a little bit, but not too long because I had to worry about my own survival.
I ended up holing up in a random apartment come nightfall with my (late irl) mother and my brother. A zombie had gotten in while we were beginning to make the place habitable and I had stabbed it in the temple with a knife. Usually in my dreams blood is muted or just not thought about, but the zombie fell out of sight, but I could see splashes of this vibrant, luminous red blood on the floor.
We closed up the apartment building, and me and my family talked for a while. My brother was really emotional about the apocalypse but I was unaffected. I found a wooden table, and I began to scratch in the words "we survived outbreak day: 8/20/21" but I woke up as soon I started on the second word.
My alarm is Bizarre Love Triangle from New Order, and its a favorite song of mine that often punctuated/soundtracked my dream
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I was sitting outside on a balcony with my mother, when a flock of white birds flew across the sky. One of them flew on the table and started cuddling up to me in my hands. I'm not sure if it was a dove, but I looked it up and found a dream meaning about white doves representing purity and innocence in dreams. And according to DreamBible:
>To dream of a white bird represents a wish to transcend or rise above a negative situation that is being renewed. Finally deciding to escape a bad situation after avoiding it being kept down. A white bird may also reflect a belief that escaping a bad situation is a good idea.
I currently have a wish to be able to study abroad without travel restrictions caused by COVID, even though it seems very unlikely for the country I want to go to, so I guess that would be my "negative situation" at the moment.
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It was incredibly strange, like the sole of their foot was the bowl and their toe was the mouth hole
/bm/
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I'm doing decent for myself. I actually managed to get some really good job offers out of nowhere, but sadly my inability to drive meant I couldn't take them. Now I'm working for a medium sized delivery company that is partnered with a furniture company instead. It's a very low level position, but at $15 an hour and decent management I really can't complain. It's a pretty easy job and while I'm not too fond of some of my coworkers I'm getting along fine. I'm actually feeling pretty hopeful for the future right now, honestly.
As for some more personal stuff: what drove me to attempt suicide in BCT was some family stuff that's now been resolved and, for the big reveal, secretly being a trans girl. The latter definitely contributed more to what I was feeling back then and my continual trial and error with just ignoring it had some disastrous consequences. Now, before the Petersonians which inhabit this board come try to tell me how to live my life, I'm really just trying to figure stuff out right now. I'm trying to learn who I am, as dumb as that is, and I'm doing that as independently as I can. I don't need you to shill out my future to me, that's how I got into the military in the first place.
Don't worry, overall, though. I don't look back on the military with any fondness anymore. I just let the brain worms my First Sergeant gave me and the disappointment of my family for failing eat at me for a little while. I've learned some shit and built some character from the military. I'm moving on now. It's been a very formative month for me since making the OP and I look forward to many more like it.
I see I struck a nerve. Enlisting out of desperation to get away from whatever is the last resort for men just like prostitution is for women. There are plenty of smart prostitutes especially the escorts.
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Why do gross people like you use this website only to try and ruin the vibe of it?
I'm back for my monthlyish check in. I'm just loving life right now. I mean, my job is ass but it pays well and I'm not super invested into it. I just do what I've gotta do and do it well then leave. With any luck I'll get to move into the supervisor position or at least get some decent raises here soon. Home life is as meh as ever. Slightly bad rn but I'm sure things will look up a little more here soon. I've started transitioning and have been on hormones for about 10 days now and I'm feeling the best I've ever felt in that regard. I'm saving up money to get my own car now. To be honest, that's about all there is to say.
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I've recently noticed lots of trans people are actually in the military. It surprised me. I heard it's because there is a lot of overcompensating?
>>1181
How much do hormones even cost anyway? I'm probably trans but I don't want to take risk missing my very specific career goals so I'll probably never transition. It's probably just gonna be porn and fantasies for me….Good for you for figuring out who you are earlier though.
/nos/
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I start with a site that was like a home for me, one that messed me up severely and yet the place I had the most fun with and the place where I found the greatest friendships I ever had.
Of course it was an imageboard, Krautchan to be precisely.
Known as the alternative to 4chan it was a mainly German imageboard, but also had a /int. I spent most of the time on /b which was truly as random as random gets. Thread 1 about the German videogame Gothic, thread 2 about Haruhi, thread 3 about drinking booze and talking about everything possible, thread 4 some circle wanking about Hitler, thread 5 someone asking about what to cook, thread 6 someone asking how to neet in Germany, thread 7 ranting about your job, and so on. It was so contradicting, people peacefully drinking beer with each other, posting pictures where they cheers to each other, to others telling you the usual kill yourself and whatever. Everyday was just so exciting to see what is going on now and I even found friends in the booze threads. Friends that turned out to be the best friends I had so far, friends that I miss dearly.
Unfortunately the entire site went to shit when less and less friendly threads showed up and those got invaded by the rude folk, having nice talks was impossible and moderation did nothing. In fact you got even banned when you said something about it. I didn't witness the last years of it because I took a break from imageboards for multiple years, then all the fucked up stuff there messed with my head. When I came back it was gone and my friends too.
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Two sites now claim to be the successor, but they both fail at it. Ernstchan is too serious, lacking the playfulness and bantering, not to mention the lack of anime. Kohlchan is even worse, being the place that just reflects everything bad that Krautchan had without the good.
Since then I am homeless on the web, straying from site to site, never staying long. None is able to provide that feeling of being home again, nowhere I found friends again. I wonder if I would like Krautchan if I would have found it today, I have changed a lot. Part of me is afraid I wouldn't like it now, back then it was just so new to me, everything was funny and interesting. Now I am just tired, jaded, yearning peace, silence, some kind words and a mutual understanding. I guess I just miss the circle wanking I had with the friends from the booze threads, I doubt they will ever read this post but still. I haven't forgotten you, Miyu, Lauert and Desu. You were my best buddies. I hope you are well and satisfied with your life.
I liked 8/atheism. It went downhill gradually as some /pol/ types came in and made it unpleasant, and eventually it bled members and died (like most of 8chan.)
/bavi/
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This fucker stole so many hours of my Mario 64 experience with his bs
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/dr/
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Have you ever experienced this? If so what happened?
When I was in high school I would sleep in class, but like a light half-sleep, I was awake but floating away. Hard to describe. The teacher's words would combine with the dream and new meanings would be given to the words. It's incredibly hard to describe but its like the process of hearing words and interpreting their meaning was parsed through dream logic. It would rearrange the meanings of sentences into new meanings, often with meanings personal to me, like the dream was communicating via the words of others. It was so strange. It was some of the best dreaming I've ever had, I really miss it. Also interestingly I did really well in that class because I think I still absorbed the information really well, maybe even better because I was closely analyzing it. Whenever he would wake me and ask me a question I would get it right lol.
Yes, I believe this happened to me yesterday (I tend to forget my dreams more quickly lately). IIRC the sound just sort of "transformed" into some other sound in my dream.
/dr/
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Let's share some Fever Dreams. I'll start, I recently dream about having a fight a with a person with whom I live, I can't remember the details, but he did something to me so in return I took a laptop from his room, apparently that was really important to me and he got upset, so he wanted to punish me, he and my mother grabbed me, they wanted to "mark" me, I can't remember what exactly was but I think they had a Tattoo machine and basically to make me a mark on my arm, I obviously put resistance and barely managed to escape, now I was hiding on my brother's room, I tried to sleep and the next morning I felt that horrible anxiety feeling, I went outside to try to occupy my mind in something different, I went for a bike ride for my town and found an old friend, and we were having a little chit chat, then I wake up, my head hurt a lot.
>“REM sleep is essential to temperature control, [and] fever suppresses REM,
I found this, that's probably why every time I have a fever dream my head hurts so much.
https://archive.fo/b2Zu8
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I always get my internal compass completely mixed up. I have to lift my leg in order to go underground, clipping through myself. I often awaken with my arms in the air and my head apparently in my chest and underground at the same time. It's such a fucked up feeling.
I remember, back when I was a young lad, I had a terrible fever. I can't remember the specific temps, but it was not a fun fever for tiny me.
I think one night I just couldn't go to sleep, or I woke up and couldn't sleep after. (Maybe as something to do with that fever suppresses REM thesis.)
Anyway, I remember being awake, or seeing my surroundings, but couldn't move, even if I really wanted to. basically sleep paralysis. There wasn't much happening in the room, but at some point, I stared at my night light (or some sort of orange light in my room, near my window) and I just started seizing pretty violently for a couple of seconds. Nothing serious, just ALOT of muscle spasms. after that I was able to shift in my bed and I got back to sleep.
Never had something like it since then and don't think i'll ever will. A really interesting memory.
Honestly? I don't even dream with a fever. I just sort of go through really draining thought loops until i wake up and then repeat the process. Last time it happened i was just thinking up a train set loop that went all over the place and never got anywhere. I'm not even into trains.
/gf/
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Not him, but i'm pretty sure a pig will be happy with fruits and grass. Maybe they'll catch some bugs if you let them walk in a park or even a garden.
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/sp/
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I'd say as long as you don't have a debilitating addiction to it you'd be fine, considering it's a normal thing a lot of people do.
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A quote straight out of the horses mouth about the bizarre older version of gluttony; "The inordinate concupiscence may be considered in two ways. First, with regard to the food consumed: and thus, as regards the substance or species of food a man seeks "sumptuous" – i.e. costly food; as regards its quality, he seeks food prepared too nicely – i.e. "daintily"; and as regards quantity, he exceeds by eating "too much." Secondly, the inordinate concupiscence is considered as to the consumption of food: either because one forestalls the proper time for eating, which is to eat "hastily," or one fails to observe the due manner of eating, by eating "greedily." ~ St. Thomas Aquinas
Liking overly fancy food is a sin, unrelated, but the desert fathers thought eating more than water and bread was gluttony!, along with eating it wrong, so it's a lot more nuanced than "Eat a lot= bad" or "fat= bad", if you read on the cultural history of the 7 sins obesity actually didn't represent gluttony until later Christianity (Fat: A Cultural History of the Stuff of Life). Forgot the source, but some christian scholars also believed gluttony to be the root of all sins.
I'd say I'm wrath
/sp/
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crept resignedly but not rustling
your moonlit body.
Beauteous skies
silvered with drippings of star-dust,
a world mortal without palpable matters.
Restrung skin, dripping.
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sweet & carefully.
Shrieks.
By fireflies,
something elderly embodies
your alien language,
a bloody-lettered theme.
Her ghost: a fellow suggestion.
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Exceptions: normal.
We're empty.
Found watching shadows, waiting.
Suddenly, a sharpness and drenched breaths.
Into the body, a hand ruining all inside.
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ashamed of memories, tremble in truth,
the space bringing to light
burnt laws on mortal inmates.
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It doesn't stop for you or me.
It continues to devour everything in it's path.
Painful as you look on at it eating your loved one.
They cry out in agony as you stand still.
You look at it in the face as it draws near.
Darkness! Darkness! Darkness for eternity!
You're gone from this world.
/gf/
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I had 2 that I had sold off for like $13 in 2012. Really kicking myself now…
https://howmuchisbitcoin.info/
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>>986
>Monero
It's a privacy-oriented coin, such that you cannot deanonymize people on the public ledger (it exists for buying drugs and guns.)
>How can I learn more about cryptos so I don't end up losing all my money? TOKENS exist to reward the people mining the currency access to COMPUTE TIME. What are the computers doing? Do people actually use this API for the creation of a value-added application?
Learn about the background of the data sharing platform being used.
Look for a fully-doxxed dev team and open source code: good signs.
Look out for shitcoins with a few user IDs trading to each other over and over to generate artificial market value. This is bad. Use bscscan to see if the coin has actual traction.
Same, I'm trying to learn about it. My main problem is that I want to earn it online somehow then work on trading back and forth to increase my portfolio instead of dumping real money in it. Plus I'm a NEET, so I have no money to invest nor the hardware to mine it.
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https://moonarch.app/token/0xfcaa9c587f152e42c5b433f268210941065d8b41
/gf/
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been reading Fulfillment by alec macgillis, pretty interesting stuff, especially the third chapter about how the corporate-contractor military-industrial economy was accelerated so much in the past few decades by the help of lobbyists in Washington. the more narrative parts are great but get kind of depressing pretty quickly without much room for hope. maybe I just need to finish it
I also picked up a book from this little free library cabinet in the park by me, the Memoirs of Jozsef Cardinal Mindszenty, from what I can tell it's about a cardinal in Hungary who spends a lot of time in a communist prison as a political enemy. some neat black & white photos in the middle pages
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im reading the book of mormon im halfway through first nephi its pretty good so far i dont know if im convinced its true tho
/bm/
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basically all my teenage years I had to deal with anxiety disorder. Which if you want to study or socialize, you can imagine how fucking annoying that is if you feel shortness of breath, chest pain, feeling like you're about to piss your pants, etc. So essentially every day felt a bit like surivival that sucked dry much of "youthfullness" I might have had.
Furthermore I had, and still do, have issues with people. In the past I saw everyone as being above me in every way. As if I was from a different planet and essentially felt like I needed to protect myself from them cause one wrong move and they would be out to get me. So in essence I don't trust people. I've lost the idea that people are above me though, because how pathethic I may be, I've also realized that lot of people have also extremely petty reasons for insecurity and what not, so i've realized I'm not doing all that bad on that front. But still, I just can't imagine trusting people. It just seems so alien to me to be friends. I never had friends for what is now like 8 years.
[1/2]
Also I don't have any place to even gain these experiences. High school ended, and my college has nothing. I just basically walk in, work on my laptop for few hours, and return home. There's nothing exciting to even do there, nothing happens. I just don't know what to do really. Should I go to a therapist with this, or is this something that I have to figure out on my own?
[2/2]
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if you can afford it, therapy is always not a bad idea to at least try.
but what you're feeling, like your youth has been cut short, i can guarantee you almost everyone on the planet feels to some degree. also: teenage/college parties are a lot more hellish than you are probably romanticizing them to be. a lot of kids getting way too drunk and high, some overdosing mixing booze with pills, a lot of unwanted sex with intoxicated people, it's really kind of awful.if I were you, I would focus my therapy more on encouraging socialization, they will help you figure out ways to ease up to it and fight cognitive distortions you have regarding meeting new people.
if you focus your therapy on this feeling of 'missing you' you are likely to never get anywhere fruitful - that feeling of a 'missing' piece of ourselves somewhere out in the world is pretty much just the instinct that gets us to meet people and not die alone. there are a lot of opportunities now more than ever to meet people through the internet, find small niches you enjoy and talk to other people interested in them. i'm not really one for bars or 'normal' spots to socialize i can really relate to feeling cut off in that regard. but there are millions of people out there just as eager to socialize as you are, and probably a lot of them coming from a similar place of struggle with anxiety.
Hey, OP here. While some things still are bad, I managed to get a big chunk of the issues out of myself by searching around, reading stuff about it and thinking about it. One of the issues I had with myself was that I internalized that there's something wrong with me, which made me feel bad because every time someone showed me any reaction that wasn't positive, (although I read every positive reaction as someone trying to trick me anyway) I felt it was because of something being off about me. And I had this since I was very young because I used to be someone who would be easy to get bullied for few reasons and my explanation for that there was just something wrong with me. But the thing is that even if that would be true, I would be ignored. Not hated. If you see someone as below you, you ignore them. You don't attack them with passion. You do that when you need to feel better about yourself. I realized that and I felt years of trauma disappear at once. I wasn't hated because there was something wrong with me, I was hated because petty and mentally weak people used me to feel better about themselves. I felt like I was born anew for few days after I realized that. that feeling passed away by now, but what remained is a feeling of fortitude. I just can't no longer be hurt by remarks about myself. I feel I'm above that and it really feels freeing. Hopefully I'll get to heal my mind more with time, but I felt like sharing this.
/mew/
You're not alone in feeling that way about Stickerbrush Symphony. I have felt that way about it as well. It just has this mystical fulfilling element that flows within you making you feel as you put it, "more to life". David Wise did wonderful work with the Donkey Kong Country 2 soundtrack and this easily is one if not the most powerful track on that entire list. Especially with the array of emotions that one gains from just relaxing while listening to it's beauty.
As for another track from a video game that has inspiration and strong emotions behind it making one think of adventure and elements beyond that is the normalcy of this life. This one definitely comes to mind. Albert Odyssey Gaiden ~Legend of Eldean~ is a wonderful JRPG with a very nice score and is a game that I am humbled to have been able to experience.
/gf/
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/bm/
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Any tips?
>>1160
You're both arguing with me, but what was your reason for going no fap in the first place? Porn/unhealthy fapping rots your brain and if you see women in your life as sexual objects, it's going to fuck with your day to day.
If you can imagine a realistic image of someone you know, I'm sure you have the capability to imagine a fake person too.
porn doesn't 'rot your brain' you puritan. most people can have fantasies of people in their life while maintaining objective reality. obviously the best way to mitigate both problems is to get a real dedicated sexual and emotional partner.
Having someone to satisfy your emotional and sexual needs does not stop porn from ruining your life. There's many people who continue watching porn after marriage and end up getting divorced because they start preferring porn and the high they get from fapping over their wife and either refuse sex entirely or begin cheating on their wives with someone who is more similar to the pornstars they watch or more willing to reenact what they see in porn. I disagree with >>1161 that masturbating to women you know is somehow worse than porn since imagination doesn't carry the same influence as visuals do but porn does rot your brain and has ruined many marriages due to people being unable to separate what they watch from what they have in real life.
sounds like beta men who didn't want more than sex from the relationship in the first place. men will cheat on women whether they are watching porn or not, just seems to be a convenient scapegoat instead of holding the men accountable. i love porn and i've never had a problem staying loyal to the women i've been with. if anything the women i've been with have always been into way kinkier shit than me. really depends upon the man and the context more than the material itself. just like drugs, booze, just like anything, it's more complicated than blaming an evil scapegoat boogeyman.
/nos/
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I'll start…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhKgFjJIZzU
This song reminds me of my earlier childhood (as far back as I can remember - 7yrs) but especially of my old school. I went to a private christian school in the booneys. This song just makes me think of that time. It reminds me of when things were sort of structured..having to tuck our shirts in…all the girls wearing these dresses that went down to your ankles that would seem way out of fashion now. Getting pulled to the principal's office by my ear with my friend. Going around the merry-go-round. Going to the top of the slide and looking out at a massive field with super high grass that seemed to go on forever and a green and orange forest that seemed to hug the school itself.
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Interestingly I didn't play many of the sonic games as a child, but everything about the series feels incredibly emblematic of childhood to me, and playing the various games as of recent has strengthened those feelings. By far the song that I think represents this to me in those games is probably this one, something about the whistle at the start, the guitars, and the vocalist gives me these feelings of being 7-10 and carefree. The delivery of the chorus especially seems to land for me with its self assuredness and confidence.
https://youtu.be/LKZyUEUv7L8
the pillows' music gives me this feeling of childhood summers as well. Their music just in general gives me a feeling of peace, like everything will be okay eventually no matter what. It's been an emotional carrier for me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGQZItOMz6k
The music video here is important, I feel as though it was almost intended to invoke these feelings. This song gives me a lot of nostalgia for my last 2 years of high school and all that comes with that, the general atmosphere of being in high school, playing tf2 off a laptop at the library because my home connection couldn't handle online games, and just. everything about that time. It felt nostalgic then, and I listened to TH a lot for that reason, and now it also feels nostalgic for that time.
>>470 i definitely have memories of playing kirby games too, they have some great music
/bm/
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Drugs are fun while they last, but they're really not good for you. Share your wacky experiences with them.
Thhis is bad thred btw
Mushrooms are easy to grow from spores. In most places the spores themselves are legal, even where they aren't the chances of getting caught are slim. I recently bought some from thesporedepot anonymously using bitcoin. Look up PFtek for more info on an easy way to culture them at home. LSD is a bit harder to get now that the market is flooded with more dangerous, but easier to manufacture analogs and similcra. Last I checked only a few people per continent still made and sold it. Unfortunately I can't say who is still in the game today, and lots of the darknet markets have gone dead recently. So I can't help on that front.
That said, don't get your hopes up too much. Psychedelics are kinda overhyped. In trials for depression nearly as many show deterioration in condition after use as show improvement. Personally after tripping on LSD I only became more sure that I should kill myself. Just putting it out there because you ought to know the risks going in.
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>>665
It's important to be in a safe environment when you do it, and the best trip is inward - darkness and silence. Do not fight the experience, surrender to it, observe it. It won't last forever. If you go into it safely and excited to see what it has to offer, like you seem to be, it should go smoothly.
Realistically shrooms wont cure anything. They aren't an access to ayyliens, the demiurge, or anything else. At best it allows you to get in touch with your subconscious, at worse you open up a worm can you cant close. There are much safer ways to access your subconscious, see Jung's works. You wont be able to fix any issues that appear during psyches without knowing what to look for. If you're doing it for fun feel free, but take it slow and keep a benzo or two on hand if shit gets a bit too heavy to handle.
I am planning on growing mushrooms here soon for my very first time. Probably will try to do so a few times a year for personal use only. I've heard the rumors that you described about LSD along with other market drugs as well. There's a few that I personally want to try out but have been quite hesitant.
>Personally after tripping on LSD I only became more sure that I should kill myself
Do you only suffer from depression?
