>>442>>439Continuing…
>I think you'll have more fun accepting and wanting to be with someone in the future.It's hard for me to find people I'm attracted to, and even when I can, my own emotional junk makes it difficult/impossible to act on in a meaningful way.
But you see what you just did? Call me out? Actually, maybe, in some way, guide me and help me learn more about myself? That's you displaying some of the power that you have - the power that comes with self-knowledge. I'm needy and clingy for that like she (presumably) is for cuddling. I crave people's experience.
Here's the thought that you correcting me ultimately generated just now: Maybe my motivation is ultimately power-madness, and I only want more experience to have power over even more people emotionally. Now I am obligated to keep that in mind in the future. That thought is a little disconcerting, but I think the more likely answer is the ultimate one: I just want to be happy. To love and be loved. Knowledge of myself - I think at a subconscious level I believe - may one day alleviate some of the pain I'm always in. That sort of advancement is the kind I feel like I can only get from people like you, and that's, unfortunately, what the feeling of love and attraction has become tied to for me. Even just the prospect - hearing you say something that is clear and refreshing but coming from a place of brilliance, is enough to make you look like a way for me to find that selfish fulfillment - a person that I can actually grow both from, and with, and hopefully the feeling would be mutual, or at least, the insanity compatible.