Honestly I've been doing somewhat better after making this post. No recent psychotic meltdowns other than a few sleep deprived hallucinations. Talked to my therapist about it and she assures me that it's okay to be scared but in order to ever get past this obstacle sometimes you have to take the risk.
It reminds me of the time a survivor from the columbine shooting went on to survive the Aurora movie theater shooting. You'd never think it'll happen twice– but they lived, twice, through out two horrifying events and still live a normal life to this day. Human beings truly are like cockroaches… we are resilient creatures.
There is hope. Even baby steps is progress. Even if baby steps is all you'll ever do, it's progress, and it's good.