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/bm/ - Body & Mind

health discussion
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File: 1596427893202.jpg (305.21 KB, 1000x1413, book room.jpg)

No. 960

Post what you did today to work towards your goals. Or if you did nothing, reflect on why and how you'll do better (don't be too hard on yourself though, perhaps you can even still do something today, even if small?). Hopefully you will feel more motivated and accountable.

>why not just use deeds?

I don't want to spam deeds for boring or very minor things, I'm ok with posting it in a thread though.


Today I worked on outlining a story I've been planning on writing for a while. I've never finished a large writing project, so I'm keeping this one constrained to medium-length and seeing it through to the end. I also made sure to go for a walk and get some fresh air and time out of the house.


It was after coming downstairs and accidentally slamming my mug into the doorknob of the kitchen door did I realize something. In my studies, I had encountered stress before—mechanical stress, mind you, though mental stress as well. In science, many things can be adequately explained through simpler analogies, and for me, I suddenly thought of those two being the same thing.
Tempered glass, for example, is only as strong as it is because it is internally stressed, and evenly too. Prince Rupert's drops are unevenly stressed glass droplets. While it may appear that these are extremely strong, the invisible forces holding it together are reliant on it being evenly distributed. And we need to be careful to keep our stresses evenly distributed as well, even if they seem transparent to us.


One day, without any apparent cause, a glass bowl may suddenly shatter, the result of the stresses inside suddenly bursting forth and turning what was once a strong vessel into a pile of shards. If we want to keep these kinds of incidents from happening, we must anneal ourselves, like glass. A long and slow process, where we bask in the heat of our own minds and let ourselves soften slowly, and reform into a tougher, stronger version of what we were before.
I hope my mug continues to live a long and productive life. I hope you all do, too.


I hadn't been out of the house in months, had fell into a deep depression, and practically relasped into becoming a hikikomori. February was the last time I had went out of the house. I started things slow by just visiting my dad who I didn't really have in my life growing up. Our relationship is pretty estranged, but he's starting to get up in age, and his health is drastically going downhill. I only stayed for about an hour and a half. He seemed in decent spirits about me visiting and didn't really want me to leave when I got picked up. Asked me to come back to see him soon. He's not really in the shape to drive any longer himself or I'd just invite him to come to my place for a visit. The rest of the day was strange, I ended up going into the city which is somewhere I hadn't been since right before the holiday season last year. I didn't know how I'd handle being forced to wear a mask and the whole situation involving the regulations with the pandemic. It was my first time out since this whole mess has started. I had a cloth mask with me that was given to me a while back on the off chance that I'd go out and need one. (Post 1)


I ended up going to a couple of Goodwill stores as I thought I might find something interesting or some cheap clothes I could find. I'm a NEET, so I don't have a large budget. My girlfriend offered to get me a few things if I wanted anything throughout the day even though I just kind of walked around trying to adjust to being out of the house. I almost got was a thin hoodie for the Fall season, but I second guessed myself on having her buy it for me due to it being a size smaller than what I'd normally get although it seemed as if it would fit. Not sure how it would have handled being put in the laundry though. Then I saw a copy of George Orwell's "1984", which I again second guessed myself on getting. It wasn't in the best of shape and a 60th anniversary edition. For some reason, I felt as if it could have been altered and not his original piece. I don't use a phone, so I couldn't just search it any information about it. Thought it was kind of ironic to say the least on seeing it with everything going on in today's society. (Post 2)


Oddly enough wearing the mask didn't bother me too much either, in some way it really helped with my anxiety. I wore my cloth mask and had a pair of sunglasses on the entire time without removing them. We didn't get anything at either of the two Goodwill stores we visited and just made our way to the mall. I used to be what some people refer to as a "Mallrat" in my younger years, especially during my childhood and teenage years. This was the most eerie feeling I had ever experienced in my life there, which wasn't too straining with my anxiety issues oddly enough as well. The mall was extremely empty and had a very 'dead' atmosphere. I was sad to see the old stores I once had interest in to be gone. (Post 3)


She made me tag along with her to go inside of a couple of stores, it was very strange as a lot of places in the mall had these locked areas that you had to wait for an employee to let you into. They had pretty small limits of the number of customers allowed, which I guess explained why nobody wanted to even bother with going to the mall over. But we didn't stay long and then made our way back into the city. Granted I didn't mention the size of this city but I don't live in a big area. (Post 4)


The city is probably only considered a small town to most of you as it's only around a population of 17k. My hometown is less than half of that. Anyways to finish up posting about my day, we got a quick bite to eat which I just ended up getting a grilled chicken sandwich from the food joint we stopped by which we then found some tables to eat at down the street. I seemed okay until a very strange person started hanging out in these bushes near where we were eating. I personally think he decided to go in there to get high on whatever drugs he may had possessed. Heroin and meth are pretty bad here, seems to be that way almost everywhere these days. But anyways, next thing I know my girlfriend gets really disgusted and has us leave. She told me soon as we got back on the road and was heading home she believed the guy was masturbating. I believe he probably was just pissing and really strung out. (Post 5)


That ending situation possibly could have ended up worse and brought slight paranoia to me. Overall, the day was about attempting my goal of trying to get out of the house to focus on self-improvements one day at a time. The only other comments I have to make about the day is I don't see how people honestly work 8 hours a day while wearing a mask, I'm glad we didn't stay in locations very long as I was already suffocating after 15-25 minutes of wearing my mask. I'm not sure what I plan on doing next, I guess I'll try to visit or reach out to other family while also possibly working on some physical routine. Maybe even try cleaning up a little bit around the house. I'm not sure what to do about work yet as I'm still not yet ready to take that leap. But it's hard to not feel stressed out with everything going on when you don't have a source of income and my girlfriend has already been as patient with me as she has. Sorry for the long blogpost, hope everyone else is well, and doing what they can to make it through their personal ordeals. (Post 6)


Sorry that I had to split >>989 >>990 >>991 >>992 >>993 >>994 into six parts, didn't realize that the post limit size was what it was on here. It's been a while since I've been on here and thought I'd return once and a while. Another goal that I've been trying to achive is to communicate with others after a long period of isolation from any type of networking whatsoever. I'm trying to get the hang of honestly, just living again.


I continued with getting out of the house again today. This time I didn't really go anywhere in public, just got picked up and visited with my grandma for a couple of hours. Played with the dog a little bit even though I eventually started to get annoyed with it. Then ate dinner with her, helped back up some files for her onto laptop, and came home. The visit went okay, she ended up getting me a new pair of shoes which I needed while she was out earlier in the day. Once I got home, I felt somewhat motivated to do a small bit of house work. I changed the filter in the house, did some laundry, and took out the trash. My goal of self-improvement is still running it's course for two days in a row. I'm hoping I don't lose focus and start to slump back into my depression as well as become unmotivated to do anything again. Coming on here and posting about it as well as the "deeds" section is nice. I've thought on possibly making a blog or working on a small webpage. I just really don't want to throw an actual "personality" with it but maybe go by a pseudonym. I don't want a lot of attention towards me or my actual identity. Maybe just some way to keep somewhat an online diary of sorts of my day to day life with various topics. Of course at this time, it's just a mere thought.


I focused more on my mental health today by having a couple of self induced pep talks. Followed with some minimal straightening up around the house, such as throwing some stuff away and making the bed. Then I ate some dinner and tried some meditation. I wanted to keep myself calm as I started to feel some anxiety throughout the early parts of the day. It seemed to help for the most part. I'm going to try to find something different to take care of throughout the night hours. I might just relax and watch a movie, I'm not entirely sure yet.


This makes me sad because I used to set goals with my girlfriend every day. We'd wake up in the morning, greet each other with a goodmorning, and list our goals for the day. It was great.

Now, though, she's really been having difficulty with her depression, and I want her to be the best she can but it's so hard having to be emotionally there for her all the time and still try to do my own things. I feel like I'm getting bogged down and it sucks because I think she is such a wonderful person who doesn't deserve to feel such pain.

I'm a big believer that what you believe is reflected in what you do, but I really am torn as to what to do. I love her so much, but I'm tired and what I do is only a bandage on what the underlying issues are. She's been too busy to see a therapist and therapy in the past hasn't been too good for her. I'm sorry if this doesn't fit in, but I just wish someone out there could hear me and not think poorly on her. I wish I could be stronger for her.

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