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Every time I've done any drug things have always gone mildly shit to completely shit.
A perfect example is when I tried weed and got brain damage. The first fucking time I use it and I get damage that usually only happens to heavy long term users. Even the neurologist sounded like he thought I was lying about being a first time user. The high was the only one out of all the drugs I've tried that was good, but the aftermath made my life significantly worse. The symptoms have faded a bit thankfully, but they never went away. To this day I can't really see right.
LSD just made me feel like a severe schizophrenic, unable to keep a simple thought straight in my head constantly fighting off delusion. (Prescribed) amphetamines made me feel cold, antsy, angry, and made it impossible to eat. Benzos made me lose control of my emotions.
Even basic drugs everyone uses fuck me up somehow. Every time I drink alcohol it usually ends with me lying on the floor sobbing alternately cursing god and demanding to be smote. When I used caffeine pills to pull an all nighter I had panic attacks.
I guess you could say I have drug problems lol ;_;
Seriously though I am actually envious of miserable people who can at least enjoy drugs, as a miserable POS who can't.
I'd say I detest it, but honestly, there was a time when I yearned for drugs so I could make it through my day.>>634
Damn, that kinda sucks actually. I guess it's good in the fact that it can help steer you away from this hell.
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>>635>I guess it's good in the fact that it can help steer you away from this hell.
Yeah, that is a silver lining. Sorry for complaining by the way, it's not all that bad. I just got a bit worked up since thinking about people who can get reliable enjoyment from stuff like that makes me feel doubly left out. Left out of most regular fun, and left out of even the last ditch effort of drugs. Though again sorry for making the thread about me and my issues.
To get back on topic, I did have one wacky experience. On LSD for no apparent reason I ate everything in the produce drawer of my fridge. Including a head of cabbage, a raw onion, and horseradish root. I wasn't even hungry at the time and I don't even like cabbage. So what was up with that? ┐(´∀｀)┌
It's alright, man. It sucks that you don't get to really experience a lot of the things that others get to, but I think that it's probably for the best. Pretty weird story though lol.>>638
Because I'm here, bby
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I really want to get shrooms or LSD for these reasons:
1. To cure depression (I really need a break from that shit, it's not helping me at all).
2. Microdosing for productivity and creativity like the Silicone Valley guys.
3. I look for hidden wisdom and "life secrets" everywhere. Usually the most valuable knowledge in life is either never taught and super obscure, or it's hidden in plain site. Knowledge is power to me, it's saved me so many times, so I look for it everywhere and I need something that can expand my mind and help me make connections, if not outright give me some cosmic revelation, though I don't expect the latter.
4. If nothing else, it will just be "fun" as people say, or at least I can say I tried it.
But anyway, I don't even know how to buy any of that stuff or where, I'm kinda paranoid so I'm afraid I will get into some police honeypot or buy bad quality shit that will kill me.
Mushrooms are easy to grow from spores. In most places the spores themselves are legal, even where they aren't the chances of getting caught are slim. I recently bought some from thesporedepot anonymously using bitcoin. Look up PFtek for more info on an easy way to culture them at home. LSD is a bit harder to get now that the market is flooded with more dangerous, but easier to manufacture analogs and similcra. Last I checked only a few people per continent still made and sold it. Unfortunately I can't say who is still in the game today, and lots of the darknet markets have gone dead recently. So I can't help on that front.
That said, don't get your hopes up too much. Psychedelics are kinda overhyped. In trials for depression nearly as many show deterioration in condition after use as show improvement. Personally after tripping on LSD I only became more sure that I should kill myself. Just putting it out there because you ought to know the risks going in.
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It's important to be in a safe environment when you do it, and the best trip is inward - darkness and silence. Do not fight the experience, surrender to it, observe it. It won't last forever. If you go into it safely and excited to see what it has to offer, like you seem to be, it should go smoothly.