I have known people who were on anti-depressants, and depending on how much you value the human experience (likely not much because the world is shit, but I digress), they almost seemed worse
off for it because they were so chipper all the time. It was like they couldn't
experience the morose longing of a sad song, couldn't
be angry…and not only was it concerning socially at some points because of the uncanny disconnect between how you'd expect someone to react and how they reacted, but it also just seemed like they'd lost half of their ability to feel - at least, publicly.
It's an interesting conundrum, but consider your own bodily health first and foremost. I flirt with suicidal thoughts and have self-harmed in the past, but it hasn't gotten to the point where I'm physically damaging myself, so I consider that as a sign that I have more time to try and grow on my own. It's my hope that you have more time as well.