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File: 1512787061944.jpg (21.88 KB, 390x480, Madotsuki.jpg)

No. 270

How many of you guys are hikkis? It is not something I am proud of personally, yet, it's only been about a month into my second relapse. Have any of you been through this, and have you any advice?


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I've been there, and from what I can tell the answer is different with different people.

For me I am rather narcissistic, personality-wise (its taken me some time to realize/come to terms with this) and one thing that led to a better situation with me was that one day I stopped, looked around, and became absolutely disgusted with my life and what I had made of it. Anytime I would be tired and try to sink into a time-wasting habit like video games I would stop, force myself to remember how disgusted I was with myself, and this anger and discomfort would motivate me to get off my ass and do things like force myself to get outside, exercise, apply for jobs, self-improvement, break down my finances, etc.

The key thing for me was that I had begun to slip into not seeing reality. I imagined myself to be this funny, cool, intelligent guy who was just stuck in a rut, but that didn't reflect reality anymore. Bad things happened, but at some point I had stopped trying and was in a hell of my own making. Once I realized this I was able to slowly but surely move forward and cut out habits that weren't good for me, eventually becoming proud of myself again, for who I actually am.


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I've known other people who genuinely always believed themselves to be irredeemable people, they believed that they deserved to be lonely and useless. If you're in a situation like that, channeling anger and disgust will only hurt you, or push you to hurt yourself.

I believe it is every person's responsibility to love themselves, and care for themselves. There is no one who can understand you better than yourself, and you are the answer to most of your problems. Things YOU can do will help and save you, so what use is it to be self-degrading? What use is it to wish to be someone else? You should have a mindset of self-improvement and acceptance. Some things you should learn to accept about yourself and love, like quirks, aggressiveness or passiveness, odd interests, etc. while other things about yourself you should seek to change, like healthiness, motivation, etc.

Remember, If you're on your way to a good place, you're already in a good place. Learn to love the small victories and the relative progress. Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to what you were yesterday, last week, last month, last year. Every day you spend with a good attitude and the desire to move forward should be considered a victory, no matter how far you think you still have to go.


File: 1513012542139.jpg (60.21 KB, 587x639, keep it together.jpg)

This christmas theme is amazing!!!!

For a moment I thought I was on Uboachan…

When my one normalfag friend brings his fiance over from signapore and they start hanging out together without me (he will certainly hold her over me) I will be a full hikki, but not a NEET because I am a wageslave working mostly 7 days a week, including holidays.

My problem is that I'm bordering normalfaggotry and NEETdom, and so I fit in with neither group, am successful at neither endeavor, and so nobody in either group has any sympathy for me. It's kind of a bad feel.


File: 1513019415642.jpg (58.37 KB, 800x615, 47dfd635d020021e0a45ce5e72….jpg)

…are you me?


File: 1513028373639.jpg (96.87 KB, 600x805, yuki-onna.jpg)

Being a hikki/NEET is more of an archetype or trope than anything. anyone can relate to it at some point and no one is either forever, generally.


I've been stuck at home without a job for over half a year now.

I hate it.

NEETdom is really disappointing. The faster I'm out of here the better.


Are you having a hard time finding one or is something holding you back?


For the most part yes, I've been slipping away more and more from society since June of 2011 after a traumatic experience where my life was threatened by a group of people who tried to chase me down with knives over me texting the "leader's" girlfriend. Who was an ex of mine. I was outgoing and everything till that moment. It completely changed me for the worst. I couldn't trust people anymore and it brought on strong social anxiety.

I've been a NEET for really four years now. I tried working two jobs since then, in 2015 I worked for about three weeks at a Krogers till social anxiety kicked in and I literally freaked out, walked out, and walked home. Then in 2016 I actually tried working at a call center I thought "I'm not in the general public, this should be pretty good" But ended up getting the flu after the first week and missed too many days during my training, they said they'd give me another chance when the next group starts. But got screwed over and then they told me 90 days, then I kept trying to get back over there till around June of this year I finally gave up and actually have putting in applications. But I'm not sure how I'd end up doing if I actually get hired and try to work in the general public again. Will I have a freak out, or will somehow I be able to handle it. I'm not quite sure. But it fucking sucks feeling like this and being so pathetic. Hell I don't even have my driver's license because I'm too terrified to drive.


>social anxiety kicked in and I literally freaked out, walked out, and walked home
I can relate to this. I pretty much bailed on all 3 jobs i've had because it freaked me out. Which makes me wonder maybe it has something to do with trauma, too..


I would honestly say that trauma definitely plays a role and is probably the primary reason one would shut themselves away from the rest of the physical world. We seek online refuge because to us it's "safe".


I had a mental breakdown that sent me to the hospital. Before that I didn't have a job partly because it became really difficult for me to do. I'm a programmer, but for some reason I just couldn't concentrate enough to program well anymore and I lost confidence in my skills. I would be good for maybe 3-4 hours, then after that I was useless. I started stretching deadlines and getting pressure from my manager and it became overwhelming so I quit.

I just started applying to jobs recently, but it's bad timing around the holidays.

After my breakdown I have difficulty driving. I get bad intrusive thoughts that freak me out and distract me, which is dangerous. But there are good days when I can drive no problem.
Have you driven much before? I remember when I first started learning, I was white-knuckle driving all the time. That went away and I relaxed after a couple weeks of forcing myself to drive.


I haven't driven a whole bunch, I mainly drove back in 2009 with a learners for about a month till an incident happened where a drunk driver hit me and knocked me off the road. Luckily I was able to handle myself and keep the car in control and get back on the road to pull over in a empty lot a little ways up the road. It fucked with my head because of losing friends to car accidents. But we handled the information, I was a total wreck afterwards though. Ironically this was on the way to take my driver's test. Which I got back in the car and drove the rest of the way to the DMV. There I proceeded to attempt my driver's test. But I was so badly shaken up I was a mess. I couldn't even parallel park. Which was and is something that I have trouble with. I have no depth perception what so ever which I believe is my main problem with driving along with the anxiety.


After that day I didn't drive again till 2011 when I was with a group of people at a bar drinking I only had one beer so I was sober enough but didn't even have a learners and the friends I was with was way too drunk to drive so I lied and said I had my license (they didn't know) I was worried about them killing me. I drove awful and very slow but luckily for me they were too drunk to notice how bad I was doing I probably only had about a 4 mile drive on a back road till we got to their house. Next I drove once in 2012 as a friend insisted that I gave it a try, I freaked out as a cop drove past me again I didn't have a learners besides the driver was only 19 and not old enough to count anyway. And finally I drove again earlier this year. I got my learners in August so now at 27 years old I freaked out every time I got behind the wheel and tried to test again but I didn't even drive to the DMV out of fear of what happened last time I did. I ended up waiting too long to take the test didn't realize my last day was the day before and had to take the learners test over and I failed that. I don't think there's any hope for me with driving.


more common in women, but anyone became a hikki because of hair loss or any other appearance disorder?

i don't like how i look and i don't want to be seen at all


No but I am petrified of hair loss

Honestly if it got to the point of balding I would just shave my head fully and wear a nice ball cap. I think full bald looks way better than bald on top


yeah, it's just that I'm too immature to do it

i'm 20 and been going bald since 16 since god hates me i guess, and i have the social maturity of a 14 year old. it's ridiculously embarrassing to me to the point where id rather just give up than try to live any semblance of a normal life. i'm pretty sure its a 1 in 1000 chance to start losing hair at the same time i did


i'm trying to get something like this though but its expensive and has to be replaced every couple of months


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I will stop being a NEET next week, I'm really anxious (not in the good way), I'm a college dropout and after a year being a NEET, I'm starting college again, well sort of, I really need to get high grades but I don't know if I will be able to get them, I might fucked my sleep schedule, and my brain too.

Any advice?


Are you starting at a local/community college or a full on university? I love the community college system in my area because it was inexpensive, the teaching quality was actually quite good, and it gave me the time I needed to personally develop the skills I needed to succeed in school. It took me two years of going there before I started to figure out how to seriously apply myself to school in general, and then I went to a trade school and right off the bat was getting As in the practical and theory classes, because I had the educational momentum as a boost. If a lot of debt is on the line, I duno, might be good to look into something like that? Don't do for-profit anything though, obviously.


It's okay anon, you just gotta keep trying.
Why did you drop out the first time?


File: 1518208246734.jpg (8.71 KB, 302x225, ad68fcca15300a650c14ee8139….jpg)

We don't have 'Community college' here, but it isn't a full career either, it's a 'pre' if that makes any sense, it's just one semesters, if you do really well and get high grades you get in the career, but usually only 5 or 8 students actually pass, even if I don't get the grades to pass I need to high grades or else I will fuck my chances to get a career even more.
I'm already on debt, is not too big, but I feel useless letting my parents pay everything, now they have to pay my education again and keep paying my debt.
I chose a career that wasn't reciprocal to my skills, I wasn't doing good, and I got really depressed, I hated that career, that, and my own laziness made me dropout.
I'm a failure.

But this time I want to the right thing, I don't to feel depressed again, or fail miserably like the last time.


It's more common than you think to not get it right the first time. You are fortunate to have your parents pay for your mistakes and you really shouldn't feel guilty about it. It's what they're there for.
Vocational training tends to be pretty cheap if there's something that you want to do relating to that.


File: 1527778572577.jpg (21.64 KB, 580x326, ddce40b856586eaebbac540381….jpg)

Here we are, again. For the fifth time in 2 years I am again hikki/neet. I feel like such a disgrace.


File: 1527865195319.jpg (40.49 KB, 598x798, 1364034649058.jpg)

Honestly, anon. I've got a "real" job, and it's just sinking in more and more lately that I just do not fucking fit in anywhere I go. Everyone at work is either a sportsball normalfag or even worse a youtube memelord, who are arguably worse, because they corrode the sanctity of the internet itself. Wish you the best anon. I still hang on to hope that someday I can have a happy and peaceful life in spite of the fact that nobody else seems to want to given their decision-making.


File: 1527873213212.jpg (80.53 KB, 900x900, 460d128f8d760a347087e03180….jpg)

That's exactly how I feel. I just don't know whether it has more to do with us as outsiders or if it has more to do with modern society at large.
When I'm working, it gives me in illusion of having a purpose.. but it's really just a distraction from the reality that I have no real future. Soon enough I'll get bored again and search for employment, and again the perpetual cycle of 'need for purpose' and 'need for rest' will continue.


File: 1527874388186.jpg (310.37 KB, 1600x1200, 1316182420128.jpg)

It makes me think of how "today is yesterday's future." I hoped for a future years ago, and here I am. This is it. "It doesn't get better unless we 'make' it better, right?" Wrong. We can't make anything better, we can only change ourselves, and then we're just better versions of ourselves in a world that's still shit.


>in a world that's still shit.

I mean aside from birds, of course. BAVI.


I wish I wasn't a NEET, I wish I wasn't a Hikki,I wish I wasn't a gross abomination born in the wrong body, I wish I wasn't born to the wrong family in the wrong country in the wrong era in time… it's all wrong. And I never wanted any of it.


And yet, everyone suffers in this way, only our masks, lies, and "feel good" escapist coping mechanisms hide it from sight. We are just more honest people, that we show it.


I occasionally slip into non-reality and live in my imagination due to the isolation and free time. I don't know how much time has passed since I started hikkidom, almost a year? a year? Time just passes so quickly now and functioning normally seems only slightly possible


File: 1543359931875.jpg (1.11 MB, 1036x1200, 1514528136672.jpg)

I'm OP and >>347
Reading through this thread is so comfy. I'm working again and I have been enjoying it. It makes a big difference to be able to relate to your coworkers and be friends with them. Sure, it helps to live in an area with a lot of fellow weirdos. A few years ago, I never would have thought I'd come this far in overcoming my social anxiety. It does get easier to interact with people, and the physical human interaction has a profound impact on your mental health. We're all gonna make it anons.


File: 1543371935773.png (35.47 KB, 307x267, 4e74938ac82b228484ed31d015….png)

Glad to hear fren.

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