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File: 1632430377734.jpg (1.48 MB, 2384x2832, 20210923_033250.jpg)

No. 1133

I'd built up this grandiose idea that joining the Army would fix me and all my problems. It got me away from some bad shit but it only made my problems worse somehow and I let it get to me to the point that they discharged me before I even completed basic training. While I was on my way out, I was told that I could always rejoin the military after 6 months. I got so excited over hearing this. Maybe I'd try a new branch, experience something different, still get my benefits, and much more after I fixed myself some in those 6 months. I called up the Air Force today. They didn't want me. They told me they wanted nothing to do with me until it got my discharge upgraded, which is impossible for my discharge. I called the Navy. Same story. The Marines. You know the deal. None of them want me. I've even talked with an Army recruiter again and they said it would be really tough to get me in. I'd built my whole life up to being a soldier. That was my dream. That was dashed in a heartbeat. I don't even know how to cope. I've got nowhere to turn here. There's no moving up for me. I'm such a fucking fool.

No.1134

It's not that grandiose of an idea when it's always been that way for generations unless you're a NEET. However some people just aren't cut out for military service. That's why civil service like a conservation corps exists in some countries. Did you try the Coast Guard? If your body is physically up to it, you try for the French Foreign Legion though you'll have to deal with hazing from foreigners. I recently talked to a guy who's hopeful for getting into special operations as a recruit. He could have everything going his way only to be met with an injury that ends it all. At least you accepted the risk inherent with big Army and tried.

No.1137

What exactly did ypu do wrong OP? Honestly I would take it as a sign that the military isnt for you. Thats fine; dust yourself off and find something else. Coastguard, fire brigade and police force might be better suited to you

>>1134
>foreign legion
Jesus, no, dont do that. You have to give up your name and passport, cant have contact with your family for years. Plus its tough as nails, if you didnt make it through basic i seriously doubt youd survive the legion

No.1138

>>1133
you're probably just too self-aware and intelligent to do well as a soldier. it's for the best

No.1159

>>1137
>have to give up your name and passport
>cant have contact with your family for years
Those can all be pluses if you make the cut. Legionnaires look down on American recruits because they're used to being soft.
>>1138
That's why there's special forces. He's not intelligent enough for that, but we're not really talking about OP anymore.

No.1164

>>1134
>It's not a grandiose idea when it's been that way for generations
The only other people in my family to have been in the military were my Grandfather and Grandmother and they both frequently spoke about how they hated it.
>Coast Guard
It doesn't matter enough. The chances of them even remotely accepting me as well is slim anyways.
>French Foreign Legion
God hates the French. In all seriousness, though, the American military is abusive enough. I can't imagine that the force of disenfranchised and banished young men is going to be even remotely a good choice.
>Spec Ops Recruit
Assuming he's a US Army 18X, he can enjoy an early discharge or becoming a regular infantryman. Very very few 18X make the cut and it's highly unlikely that he will be of the extraordinary few who do.

>>1137
>What did you do
Suicide attempt
>Dust yourself off and find something else
That's what I'm trying to do now. I've got a decent job that pays well enough. I'm trying to distance myself from all of that shit right now. Maybe a fire brigade could be a good option in the future, but we'll see where life takes me for now.
>If you couldn't make it through basic, i seriously doubt you'd survive the legion
My problem wasn't with anything physical, though I did have trouble managing to drink enough water and with ruck marches. Instead, though, my issue was with my phenomenally shitty leadership and some shit that is still really eating me up inside in a way that's hard to describe.
>>1138
That's flattering I guess

No.1165

>>1159
>That's why there's special forces, but he's not intelligent enough for that
Lol. Thanks for the compliment, guy. Special forces guys aren't particularly intelligent. Sure, for soldiers they are smarter than the average, but they're really just the guys who were smart enough to pass a written test (even if it was 5th+ attempt) and then determined enough to pass the grueling training. Oh, and they were capable of learning another language, the largest part of the special forces training. Now they're stuck in a shitty job but I guess they made Sergeant lmao. Most special forces guys are happy with the choice, though, so good on them for drinking the Kool Aid ig. When it comes to the foreign legion, I'm sure every boy and girl dreams of being universally ostracized and viewed as a criminal all because they joined a military force that is associated with them. In fact, I'm sure they would love to do it so much that they will give up every last ounce of agency they have in their own lives to go and die as a glorified police force in the middle east or get dysentery and parasites navigating the marshy areas of the Amazon rainforest. You don't have to be intelligent to pass it through any of this shit. You just have to make the cut. That's more about determination than anything. And as for your off handed comment about my intellect, I'll say as a young teenager would "you don't know me". Because you don't. You know a simple emotional sliver of my life that I have decided to share here. Even very intelligent people fuck up pretty hard from time to time, doing so doesn't drop numbers their IQ score lmao. We're humans and we make mistakes.

Take your (you) and buy something to help you out of this dumb ass mind set of yours.

No.1166

File: 1635500658536.jpg (143.4 KB, 1280x720, 20211028_054619.jpg)

Now for a little update on my life!

I'm doing decent for myself. I actually managed to get some really good job offers out of nowhere, but sadly my inability to drive meant I couldn't take them. Now I'm working for a medium sized delivery company that is partnered with a furniture company instead. It's a very low level position, but at $15 an hour and decent management I really can't complain. It's a pretty easy job and while I'm not too fond of some of my coworkers I'm getting along fine. I'm actually feeling pretty hopeful for the future right now, honestly.

As for some more personal stuff: what drove me to attempt suicide in BCT was some family stuff that's now been resolved and, for the big reveal, secretly being a trans girl. The latter definitely contributed more to what I was feeling back then and my continual trial and error with just ignoring it had some disastrous consequences. Now, before the Petersonians which inhabit this board come try to tell me how to live my life, I'm really just trying to figure stuff out right now. I'm trying to learn who I am, as dumb as that is, and I'm doing that as independently as I can. I don't need you to shill out my future to me, that's how I got into the military in the first place.

Don't worry, overall, though. I don't look back on the military with any fondness anymore. I just let the brain worms my First Sergeant gave me and the disappointment of my family for failing eat at me for a little while. I've learned some shit and built some character from the military. I'm moving on now. It's been a very formative month for me since making the OP and I look forward to many more like it.

No.1178

>>1165
I see I struck a nerve. Enlisting out of desperation to get away from whatever is the last resort for men just like prostitution is for women. There are plenty of smart prostitutes especially the escorts.

No.1179

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>>1178
Pedophile

No.1181

File: 1638397266765.jpg (186.96 KB, 2048x1448, 20211129_200308.jpg)

>>1178
Why do gross people like you use this website only to try and ruin the vibe of it?

I'm back for my monthlyish check in. I'm just loving life right now. I mean, my job is ass but it pays well and I'm not super invested into it. I just do what I've gotta do and do it well then leave. With any luck I'll get to move into the supervisor position or at least get some decent raises here soon. Home life is as meh as ever. Slightly bad rn but I'm sure things will look up a little more here soon. I've started transitioning and have been on hormones for about 10 days now and I'm feeling the best I've ever felt in that regard. I'm saving up money to get my own car now. To be honest, that's about all there is to say.

No.1185

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>>1166
I've recently noticed lots of trans people are actually in the military. It surprised me. I heard it's because there is a lot of overcompensating?

>>1181
How much do hormones even cost anyway? I'm probably trans but I don't want to take risk missing my very specific career goals so I'll probably never transition. It's probably just gonna be porn and fantasies for me….Good for you for figuring out who you are earlier though.

No.1188

File: 1643155194857.jpg (136.46 KB, 1024x1366, 20220125_113339.jpg)

>>1185
Hmm, I'm not sure why there are so many trans in the military. I wasn't the only trans girl in my unit but we were the only two to my knowledge. I definitely used to try and cope as a hyper masculine dork but the reality of the situation is that I was always a 5'1 dainty little shit so that probably helped with disillusioning myself to that. The reason I joined was to get away from my parents. Shitty home life was common to a lot of the young people who were in bct with me. I think trans people probably join for the same reason as cis people but just ate disproportionately affected.

When it comes to the cost of hormones, my prescription is $30 for 1 month of Spironolactone and Progesterone and 2 months of Estradiol. The service I use for a prescription is $100 a month but you could always DIY and that's generally pretty easy with a touch of guidance. Meds might be cheaper that way too.

When it comes to what I'm gonna say next, I wanna tread lightly to avoid seeming groomery. Firstly, don't sacrifice your mental health for a career. Being trans will debilitate you if you ignore it. I found this shit out the hard way. I'm glad I'm starting as young as I am but I still get upset over not starting earlier. Don't take this as me saying to jump on it ASAP either. Figure yourself out first. It took me 3 months after getting discharged to feel confident enough to start hormones. I knew before I even started basic training. Additionally, hormones probably won't hit you as hard as you think out of the gate. I'm 2 months on hormones and I'm still pretty male honestly. I hope you find the right path either way. Much love from me.

No.1190

File: 1643388743527.png (1.91 MB, 1920x1080, YWNBAW [sound=https://file….png)


No.1194

>>1190
cis be seething

No.1195

>>1194
trans be committing suicide

No.1199

File: 1644380008494.jpg (20.45 KB, 512x288, Kampfer7_53.jpg)

>>1188
Well, I was reminded of Chelsea Manning. That's cheaper than I expected, although I still don't think I'll be able to afford to transition and to safely do the things I really want. You see I plan to move to a somewhat more conservative country that I still love (even though there is more discrimination toward trans people there.) It means I'd have to take an entry-level job I'm ok with, but which doesn't pay very well to be able to emigrate.

This puts me in the position of having to choose between staying and transitioning or moving to the country with the scenery and sense of mystery that I love more. They're two different dreams and two different lives.

If I were younger there would be more reason to transition into a cute girl now that society is more accepting of it, although I'm a foot taller than you and probably ten years older so I wouldn't pass as easily anyway. I don't think I have as much dysphoria as many trans people do either, or I've just developed ways of repressing well. I used to hate seeing my male reflection in the mirror so I just stopped looking at mirrors throughout my twenties.

Somehow I don't feel as much unease as I did when I was a teenager or in my 20s when it was more extreme.
Other things have also put my feelings in perspective like an awareness of how fleeting my lifespan is, and other problems in the world. I guess I'd rather not worry about making rent than to transition and come out of the closet.

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No.1200

File: 1644380315391.jpg (192.67 KB, 688x688, Kampfer7_54.jpg)

>>1188
So far I cope by reading lots of porn and self-inserting as the girl 99.9% of the time and by writing sometimes. I then remind myself that other people have managed to repress it for millennia under worse conditions, and that it must have been especially intense to be a transman when women couldn't even vote.

The non-binary and bisexual way of looking at the world has been a revelation that has lessened my dysphoria, since I can have my cake and eat it without transitioning. It means I can sometimes enjoy masculine things like hiking, arguing, or male cosplay, while still crossdressing at home and liking very feminine things.

I'll probably have to cope by trying to find a cute trans girl someday to dress up and live vicariously through. (Since I don't think a cis girl could understand the depth of my feelings or my lifelong passion for reading transgendered stories.) It might not be so bad if I eventually find someone similar in the country I move to. Falling in love and having that happiness seems more important than my own transitioning (at least according to my calculation.)

2 of 2

No.1201

>>1200
I suggest you buy a doll to dress up in the meantime.

No.1202

File: 1646150384689.jpg (1.42 MB, 1892x3543, 20220228_175238.jpg)

>>1200
It's very clear that you've put a lot of thought into all of this. You're ultimately more knowledgeable of your own situation and all this hinges on how you feel which is something that I don't know. I recommend that you do what you feel is right and if you've become certain over a much longer lifetime than mine that what you're doing is right for you then by all means do what you will do. It will probably be better for you. I also can relate to some of the things you said like I used to self insert as the female in porn and actually I usually read doujins about a man getting turned into a woman and having sex with a man. Pretty damning stuff honestly.

At the same time, I hope you do take my own experiences to heart. Also I think the user that says you should try dressing up a doll is giving some pretty good advice. I never thought about getting a trans gf or anything like that honestly. For a long time I was pretty confused about my sexuality but now I'm pretty sure that I'm attracted to men sexually but I'm incredibly skeptical of them. Anyways, I wish you all the best sis I hope that you find the right path for you. Best of luck in life.

No.1203

File: 1646678099833.jpeg (58.52 KB, 735x685, 280AE725-8E43-4B14-9D7A-7….jpeg)

>>1195
cis people also commit suicide kekw and they're also the biggest whiners i've ever fucking seen, imagine seeing someone identifying outside their assigned gender and getting so mad about it that you type essays about how they shouldn't do it. grow a spine already. maybe cis people shouldn't be allowed to join the military cuz of how weak willed they are. y'all crumble at the sight of a trans person. it's embarrassing.

No.1224

File: 1652407435264.jpg (397.97 KB, 1778x1377, 20220512_054713.jpg)

OP speaking. Honestly looking back on all this it's interesting to see just how much I've changed. It's weird to see how a younger, sadder me saw my life and how that became the thread. I love you, dream chan, the good and the bad.

Now for the update. 6 months on HRT! Started dating! I'm more confident than ever. I love myself. Like I actually love myself. Saying that makes me tear up a bit because I never ever thought I'd be where I'm at now. Not in my wildest dreams. I'm happy and content in life. Sure there's rough edges and stuff but that can be made better. It feels a lot more achievable now too. I know it's vague but I don't really have much else to say. Stay safe everyone.

No.1225

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>>1224
Does that mean that you've been able to achieve inner peace with yourself?

No.1230

File: 1653257255747.jpeg (54.21 KB, 686x690, FSbH0CjVUAAQarz.jpeg)

>>1224
I'm glad for you. I'll keep fighting against the leopards eating peoples' faces parties for people like you.

No.1235

File: 1654847269160.png (6.74 MB, 2100x3000, Homucoffee_P.png)

>>1225
Yes. Life has actually become liveable. I do still struggle with some emotion control but it's a work in progress but everybody has things to work on.

I hope you're doing great, Anon.
>>1230
Thank you, the sentiment means a lot. I hope you're doing great, anon.



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