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/bm/ - Body & Mind

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File: 1632430377734.jpg (1.48 MB, 2384x2832, 20210923_033250.jpg)

No. 1133

I'd built up this grandiose idea that joining the Army would fix me and all my problems. It got me away from some bad shit but it only made my problems worse somehow and I let it get to me to the point that they discharged me before I even completed basic training. While I was on my way out, I was told that I could always rejoin the military after 6 months. I got so excited over hearing this. Maybe I'd try a new branch, experience something different, still get my benefits, and much more after I fixed myself some in those 6 months. I called up the Air Force today. They didn't want me. They told me they wanted nothing to do with me until it got my discharge upgraded, which is impossible for my discharge. I called the Navy. Same story. The Marines. You know the deal. None of them want me. I've even talked with an Army recruiter again and they said it would be really tough to get me in. I'd built my whole life up to being a soldier. That was my dream. That was dashed in a heartbeat. I don't even know how to cope. I've got nowhere to turn here. There's no moving up for me. I'm such a fucking fool.


It's not that grandiose of an idea when it's always been that way for generations unless you're a NEET. However some people just aren't cut out for military service. That's why civil service like a conservation corps exists in some countries. Did you try the Coast Guard? If your body is physically up to it, you try for the French Foreign Legion though you'll have to deal with hazing from foreigners. I recently talked to a guy who's hopeful for getting into special operations as a recruit. He could have everything going his way only to be met with an injury that ends it all. At least you accepted the risk inherent with big Army and tried.


What exactly did ypu do wrong OP? Honestly I would take it as a sign that the military isnt for you. Thats fine; dust yourself off and find something else. Coastguard, fire brigade and police force might be better suited to you

>foreign legion
Jesus, no, dont do that. You have to give up your name and passport, cant have contact with your family for years. Plus its tough as nails, if you didnt make it through basic i seriously doubt youd survive the legion


you're probably just too self-aware and intelligent to do well as a soldier. it's for the best


>have to give up your name and passport
>cant have contact with your family for years
Those can all be pluses if you make the cut. Legionnaires look down on American recruits because they're used to being soft.
That's why there's special forces. He's not intelligent enough for that, but we're not really talking about OP anymore.


>It's not a grandiose idea when it's been that way for generations
The only other people in my family to have been in the military were my Grandfather and Grandmother and they both frequently spoke about how they hated it.
>Coast Guard
It doesn't matter enough. The chances of them even remotely accepting me as well is slim anyways.
>French Foreign Legion
God hates the French. In all seriousness, though, the American military is abusive enough. I can't imagine that the force of disenfranchised and banished young men is going to be even remotely a good choice.
>Spec Ops Recruit
Assuming he's a US Army 18X, he can enjoy an early discharge or becoming a regular infantryman. Very very few 18X make the cut and it's highly unlikely that he will be of the extraordinary few who do.

>What did you do
Suicide attempt
>Dust yourself off and find something else
That's what I'm trying to do now. I've got a decent job that pays well enough. I'm trying to distance myself from all of that shit right now. Maybe a fire brigade could be a good option in the future, but we'll see where life takes me for now.
>If you couldn't make it through basic, i seriously doubt you'd survive the legion
My problem wasn't with anything physical, though I did have trouble managing to drink enough water and with ruck marches. Instead, though, my issue was with my phenomenally shitty leadership and some shit that is still really eating me up inside in a way that's hard to describe.
That's flattering I guess


>That's why there's special forces, but he's not intelligent enough for that
Lol. Thanks for the compliment, guy. Special forces guys aren't particularly intelligent. Sure, for soldiers they are smarter than the average, but they're really just the guys who were smart enough to pass a written test (even if it was 5th+ attempt) and then determined enough to pass the grueling training. Oh, and they were capable of learning another language, the largest part of the special forces training. Now they're stuck in a shitty job but I guess they made Sergeant lmao. Most special forces guys are happy with the choice, though, so good on them for drinking the Kool Aid ig. When it comes to the foreign legion, I'm sure every boy and girl dreams of being universally ostracized and viewed as a criminal all because they joined a military force that is associated with them. In fact, I'm sure they would love to do it so much that they will give up every last ounce of agency they have in their own lives to go and die as a glorified police force in the middle east or get dysentery and parasites navigating the marshy areas of the Amazon rainforest. You don't have to be intelligent to pass it through any of this shit. You just have to make the cut. That's more about determination than anything. And as for your off handed comment about my intellect, I'll say as a young teenager would "you don't know me". Because you don't. You know a simple emotional sliver of my life that I have decided to share here. Even very intelligent people fuck up pretty hard from time to time, doing so doesn't drop numbers their IQ score lmao. We're humans and we make mistakes.

Take your (you) and buy something to help you out of this dumb ass mind set of yours.


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Now for a little update on my life!

I'm doing decent for myself. I actually managed to get some really good job offers out of nowhere, but sadly my inability to drive meant I couldn't take them. Now I'm working for a medium sized delivery company that is partnered with a furniture company instead. It's a very low level position, but at $15 an hour and decent management I really can't complain. It's a pretty easy job and while I'm not too fond of some of my coworkers I'm getting along fine. I'm actually feeling pretty hopeful for the future right now, honestly.

As for some more personal stuff: what drove me to attempt suicide in BCT was some family stuff that's now been resolved and, for the big reveal, secretly being a trans girl. The latter definitely contributed more to what I was feeling back then and my continual trial and error with just ignoring it had some disastrous consequences. Now, before the Petersonians which inhabit this board come try to tell me how to live my life, I'm really just trying to figure stuff out right now. I'm trying to learn who I am, as dumb as that is, and I'm doing that as independently as I can. I don't need you to shill out my future to me, that's how I got into the military in the first place.

Don't worry, overall, though. I don't look back on the military with any fondness anymore. I just let the brain worms my First Sergeant gave me and the disappointment of my family for failing eat at me for a little while. I've learned some shit and built some character from the military. I'm moving on now. It's been a very formative month for me since making the OP and I look forward to many more like it.


I see I struck a nerve. Enlisting out of desperation to get away from whatever is the last resort for men just like prostitution is for women. There are plenty of smart prostitutes especially the escorts.


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Why do gross people like you use this website only to try and ruin the vibe of it?

I'm back for my monthlyish check in. I'm just loving life right now. I mean, my job is ass but it pays well and I'm not super invested into it. I just do what I've gotta do and do it well then leave. With any luck I'll get to move into the supervisor position or at least get some decent raises here soon. Home life is as meh as ever. Slightly bad rn but I'm sure things will look up a little more here soon. I've started transitioning and have been on hormones for about 10 days now and I'm feeling the best I've ever felt in that regard. I'm saving up money to get my own car now. To be honest, that's about all there is to say.


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I've recently noticed lots of trans people are actually in the military. It surprised me. I heard it's because there is a lot of overcompensating?

How much do hormones even cost anyway? I'm probably trans but I don't want to take risk missing my very specific career goals so I'll probably never transition. It's probably just gonna be porn and fantasies for me….Good for you for figuring out who you are earlier though.


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Hmm, I'm not sure why there are so many trans in the military. I wasn't the only trans girl in my unit but we were the only two to my knowledge. I definitely used to try and cope as a hyper masculine dork but the reality of the situation is that I was always a 5'1 dainty little shit so that probably helped with disillusioning myself to that. The reason I joined was to get away from my parents. Shitty home life was common to a lot of the young people who were in bct with me. I think trans people probably join for the same reason as cis people but just ate disproportionately affected.

When it comes to the cost of hormones, my prescription is $30 for 1 month of Spironolactone and Progesterone and 2 months of Estradiol. The service I use for a prescription is $100 a month but you could always DIY and that's generally pretty easy with a touch of guidance. Meds might be cheaper that way too.

When it comes to what I'm gonna say next, I wanna tread lightly to avoid seeming groomery. Firstly, don't sacrifice your mental health for a career. Being trans will debilitate you if you ignore it. I found this shit out the hard way. I'm glad I'm starting as young as I am but I still get upset over not starting earlier. Don't take this as me saying to jump on it ASAP either. Figure yourself out first. It took me 3 months after getting discharged to feel confident enough to start hormones. I knew before I even started basic training. Additionally, hormones probably won't hit you as hard as you think out of the gate. I'm 2 months on hormones and I'm still pretty male honestly. I hope you find the right path either way. Much love from me.


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cis be seething


trans be committing suicide


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Well, I was reminded of Chelsea Manning. That's cheaper than I expected, although I still don't think I'll be able to afford to transition and to safely do the things I really want. You see I plan to move to a somewhat more conservative country that I still love (even though there is more discrimination toward trans people there.) It means I'd have to take an entry-level job I'm ok with, but which doesn't pay very well to be able to emigrate.

This puts me in the position of having to choose between staying and transitioning or moving to the country with the scenery and sense of mystery that I love more. They're two different dreams and two different lives.

If I were younger there would be more reason to transition into a cute girl now that society is more accepting of it, although I'm a foot taller than you and probably ten years older so I wouldn't pass as easily anyway. I don't think I have as much dysphoria as many trans people do either, or I've just developed ways of repressing well. I used to hate seeing my male reflection in the mirror so I just stopped looking at mirrors throughout my twenties.

Somehow I don't feel as much unease as I did when I was a teenager or in my 20s when it was more extreme.
Other things have also put my feelings in perspective like an awareness of how fleeting my lifespan is, and other problems in the world. I guess I'd rather not worry about making rent than to transition and come out of the closet.

1 of 2


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So far I cope by reading lots of porn and self-inserting as the girl 99.9% of the time and by writing sometimes. I then remind myself that other people have managed to repress it for millennia under worse conditions, and that it must have been especially intense to be a transman when women couldn't even vote.

The non-binary and bisexual way of looking at the world has been a revelation that has lessened my dysphoria, since I can have my cake and eat it without transitioning. It means I can sometimes enjoy masculine things like hiking, arguing, or male cosplay, while still crossdressing at home and liking very feminine things.

I'll probably have to cope by trying to find a cute trans girl someday to dress up and live vicariously through. (Since I don't think a cis girl could understand the depth of my feelings or my lifelong passion for reading transgendered stories.) It might not be so bad if I eventually find someone similar in the country I move to. Falling in love and having that happiness seems more important than my own transitioning (at least according to my calculation.)

2 of 2


I suggest you buy a doll to dress up in the meantime.


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It's very clear that you've put a lot of thought into all of this. You're ultimately more knowledgeable of your own situation and all this hinges on how you feel which is something that I don't know. I recommend that you do what you feel is right and if you've become certain over a much longer lifetime than mine that what you're doing is right for you then by all means do what you will do. It will probably be better for you. I also can relate to some of the things you said like I used to self insert as the female in porn and actually I usually read doujins about a man getting turned into a woman and having sex with a man. Pretty damning stuff honestly.

At the same time, I hope you do take my own experiences to heart. Also I think the user that says you should try dressing up a doll is giving some pretty good advice. I never thought about getting a trans gf or anything like that honestly. For a long time I was pretty confused about my sexuality but now I'm pretty sure that I'm attracted to men sexually but I'm incredibly skeptical of them. Anyways, I wish you all the best sis I hope that you find the right path for you. Best of luck in life.


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cis people also commit suicide kekw and they're also the biggest whiners i've ever fucking seen, imagine seeing someone identifying outside their assigned gender and getting so mad about it that you type essays about how they shouldn't do it. grow a spine already. maybe cis people shouldn't be allowed to join the military cuz of how weak willed they are. y'all crumble at the sight of a trans person. it's embarrassing.


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OP speaking. Honestly looking back on all this it's interesting to see just how much I've changed. It's weird to see how a younger, sadder me saw my life and how that became the thread. I love you, dream chan, the good and the bad.

Now for the update. 6 months on HRT! Started dating! I'm more confident than ever. I love myself. Like I actually love myself. Saying that makes me tear up a bit because I never ever thought I'd be where I'm at now. Not in my wildest dreams. I'm happy and content in life. Sure there's rough edges and stuff but that can be made better. It feels a lot more achievable now too. I know it's vague but I don't really have much else to say. Stay safe everyone.


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Does that mean that you've been able to achieve inner peace with yourself?


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I'm glad for you. I'll keep fighting against the leopards eating peoples' faces parties for people like you.


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Yes. Life has actually become liveable. I do still struggle with some emotion control but it's a work in progress but everybody has things to work on.

I hope you're doing great, Anon.
Thank you, the sentiment means a lot. I hope you're doing great, anon.


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OP again. It's almost August. My little siblings are going back to school, I quit my job for mental health reasons, and now I'm stuck being the one who's going to have to care for my grandfather. this sucks so hard I have almost nothing saved up because of an earlier shitty situation too. this isn't really what I have in mind with my life but nobody else is stepping up to the plate and I'm just expected to be ok with this. I'm going to have to figure out a way to keep getting HRT. Been dealing with some body issues again but they're not that bad luckily. I'm hoping things change soon, though. I don't know how much I can handle from this. I've been coping with it pretty poorly. we'll see how things go though :c.


i should append, though, that I'm glad to have made it 8 months. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure I get another 4. I'm trying to get my testicles removed ASAP and honestly I'm thinking of switching to DIY once that happens. I'm going to make sure this happens as soon as I can.


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That sucks, I wish you had a little trust fund. HRT should just be free. It's not an addictive drug that messes you up, and it lets people restart their lives and experience a second puberty.


shit, man, thanks. this shit sucks so bad but I'll figure something out. maybe I can figure out a gig thing I can do.


I've never understood why trannies take the opposite hormones.
>Hey doc I really feel like I need my arms amputated
>Sorry I don't specialize in amputations, but I can give you this medicine that makes you hate having arms even more
>Sounds fucking great can I get it for free
It would make much more sense if they took the right hormones so they feel at home with what they already have, rather than destroy their bodies and become an hero when they realize what they've done.


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Steroids can mess you up in the long-term worse than crack. Look at Joe Rogan, Arnold Schwarzenegger or any body builder that used them when they were young.

>I've never understood why trannies take the opposite hormones.

There's a lot you wouldn't understand. It's sufficient to know that everyone is not the same.


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Heya, OP speaking. A lot of trans people actually try stuff similar to this. I had a phase where I doubled down on trying to be masculine and was working out hard every day and made sure people treated me like a man. I buzzed my head from mid back length hair and regretted it immediately but tried to justify it by saying I'd feel better when people started recognizing me as a man but stuff was only getting worse and worse and I was edging closer and closer to suicide.

Compare this to now. I'm happier than ever. I've embraced my petite body and learned to accept most of the imperfections it has too. The changes that hormones have made on me have been wonderful. I love my breasts and hips and thighs so much. I genuinely feel beautiful now and having a wonderful and supportive girlfriend that I never felt like I deserved before has been so good for me mentally. I am mentally stable unlike before to top this.


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As for the detransitoners you're talking about, you're flat out wrong. A very small number (something like 6%) of people who begin transitioning choose to detransition. Of them, the wild majority do so because of pressure from family or society at large. A smaller number do so because of medical reasons (such as blood clotting), but the majority of them still choose to begin transitioning again if the issue that stopped transition is solved which it almost always is. Almost no detransitioners choose to do so because of financial reasons as it's always so important to trans people that they will forego most comforts and restrict other necessities before giving up transitioning because it too is a necessity. The very small minority of detransitoners who do so because they felt it wasn't right for them are usually attention seeking types. This is exactly what my sister is and most vocal detransitoners are too. They're people who started claiming they were transgender because it got them attention and love and support. As they hurt and ultimately alienate the people who supported them through their transition they get less and less attention and slowly convince themselves that transitioning was a mistake in the same way they did so with initially convincing themselves transitioning was the right path for them. Attention seekers as they are, when they commit to detransition they ensure that everyone hears their cries and will even lie about how bad transitioning fucked them up to. That's not to say that transitioning doesn't permanently alter the body but definitely much of what you'll hear from them are gross exaggerations of events. Feel free to come back with some examples and I'll point out inaccuracies for you.


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I've got a cis friend who juices. Ironically he's a huge ally for trans people despite all his misogyny and such, probably because he knows what it's like to have a body that doesn't align with your mental state. I've learned a lot about it from just hearing him ramble about it with younger lifters in our friend group and from what I've garnered people like them are the kind who do big doses of it looking for huge results. Overdoing it is the shit that you hear about in high school health class where hearts become the size of a basket ball and explode. Steroids are fairly safe, though not without risk, as long as you moderate yourself and simply use them as a way to slightly boost performance instead of trying to use them to completely augment your body. It's especially good to monitor your blood, as he does, to ensure so metabolic or hormonal abnormalities develop


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Not who you're replying to, but I'd hesitate to project that all detrans are attention seekers and weren't simply not thinking clearly or people who hadn't figured out their identity. If science made transitioning as easy as changing your coat you'd see more people trying it out for a while and then deciding the "fashion" of wearing a different body wasn't for them.


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I absolutely understand where you're coming from with this. It's definitely a little bit short sighted to say that all people who detransition because it wasn't right for them do so because of attention seeking reasons. It's particularly good then that it's not what I said and that I simply implicated a majority of the group as such. Most certainly there are people who detransition because they once genuinely thought they might be experiencing gender dysphoria but realized they really weren't and chose to detransition for personal reasons. In fact I've known a couple in the wide berth of acquaintances that have come and gone from my life though most of them started because of people they considered close friends pressuring them into it. Similar situation too what made me start except it was actually right for me.


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Being this meme.


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OP again. I've been posting a lot lately, huh. It's a little over a year since I got discharged now. I didn't make it clear in the thread earlier, but I started HRT exactly 3 months after getting discharged which puts me at 9 months of feminization against my testicles' will. It's better this way. Life has been a little rough lately. Despite that, I'm trying to keep my chin up, but bank account numbers can easily change that. I've also been having an easier time with an eating disorder of mine lately but I'm not counting on things staying like this. It's been a good year, though, Dream Chan. I'm finally happy. I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. I love my girlfriend and I love life too.


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this but unironically


And I found 3 pieces of remy hair at a thrift shop which is pretty cool since it's natural hair. I like the feeling of touching soft real human hair and feeling a fake nipple underneath it.


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fuck blogs


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10 months. I'm feeling really good. I don't really have anything to mention, honestly. Just life has been stressful but good. Things will get better for me.
I had actually come here with the plans to end this thread on my end. It's become pretty pointless. I started this thread because life sucked and I needed help. I ended up getting it but not from this thread. I'm not sure why I'd started using it as a blog but it eventually became a way for me to show others that things do get better. I've gotten to a point where there's nothing to report and likely won't be anymore, so I've decided to end it.

Goodnight, Dreamchan. I wish you all the best. After 1 year of work, I'm happy. I hope everyone else here can attain this too.

P.S. God loves faggots and trannies. I love Jesus for he spurns the deuteronomist.


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Guy from Quebec here. Religion is dying in my country and yesterday I sat in a Catholic church with stained glass windows of the virgin that has been converted into a library. Conversions as we call them are the future of religion as we grow out of the childhood of our species.

I would advise being mentally mature and passing beyond needing to believe in mythologies by primitive people who told stories to entertain themselves. Christianity is one of many ancient mythologies like the Greek or Inuit. They are just 5000 year old Marvel universes of heroes, gods and demons with superpowers.

Hercules and Samson were basically their Superman. King David was an archetypical conqueror. God/Allah were Lain, and Jesus was a pacifist hero like Vash the Stampede, and etcetera.

You can play Fate/Go and have the pleasure of the stories and their traditions. But without the trap of basing your life around believing in mythological heroes or in a prehistoric comic book universe where magic is real.


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I don't really believe in god. I guess I didn't make it obvious that it wasn't serious. For a long time I was devoutly Christian, an artifact from the life I'd forged myself before the military, but when I came to terms with who I am my religion really got put on the back burner for once. I kinda just neglected it even in Basic Training, only doing simple things like keeping the Eucharist and whatnot. Ironically, I actually converted a kid who was in BCT with me while I myself was questioning whether I was Christian. He told me he wanted to start reading the Bible, I told him I'd help him with reading guides and with interpreting scripture. He battle buddied me to my religious service since I was the only one in my unit going to it. Eventually he told me he found god and wanted to convert and be baptized. I told him what he'd have to do to get there and then we parted ways for good about 3 weeks later. I clung to some Jesus centered beliefs up until very recently when I realized how silly I had been especially through everything I went through because of the church. Now I'm adherent to a religion disguised as a joke disguised as a religion.
>image irrelevant


You fell for the meme, OP. Listen, I'm going to give it to you straight and never look at this again. You're not trans. I'm not going to spam you with any 41% bullshit or something like that. You very likely just have autism. The reason you felt happy in the beginning of this was because of the hormones. I'm sorry, but no one will ever perceive you as pretty or cute outside of other trans people. I fell down your rabbit hole once too. I didn't find religion or anything like that, I found other hobbies and built a support network. Please look for other ways to get your shit together. I will never meet you but you have to understand this likely isn't your path.


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>>1316 (You)
How pathetic. You can't even make a simple appeal to emotion or cast even a little bit of doubt. If you're going to post shit and least make it a good shitpost.

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