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I know the feeling of existential angst in these screencaps all too well. But, if I can offer something to consider:
Things do not have to be special to be meaningful.
I feel that way sometimes too.
But today it rained super hard and I could hear it pounding away on the roof of my house. The sky was just ripped open for this flood. I love rain, not the peaceful kind, but the violent kind. That's what I got today. Just hearing it felt special. I realized that even though I've been feeling shit recently, something as simple as rain made me smile.
The world can be shitty. But it still has rain.
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Every relationship is transient. I've had an awful reminder of that recently with someone who left, although frankly speaking I'd rather never see him again. Childish in retrospect but although the conversation was childish it meant enough to me.
Maybe it's my fault that I ended up this way. I keep every single person at arm's length and never bother starting conversations myself, and all of my efforts to otherwise branch out and be more social have always simply ended with my voice getting caught in my throat. Those series where angels come down on people and offer unconditional love must've been made for people like me. The kind of people in real life who'd do that are always people who just want to hoist themselves on you and make you pledge alligeance to them.
Maybe I should just stop looking for friends. That's been the reocurring theme for me this past year. Looking for friends. And everywhere I turn, it's someone trying to choke me into being their personal little bitch. They're like wannabe cult leaders. There's solace in the lonliness, and no matter how my life goes, it'll end in lonliness anyways. I'm never going to end up having kids, and may never end up having a wife either. It's more than likely the fault of my own personal philosophies that I end up this way, I'm sure others have a far easier time making anything resembling a relationship.
I had more to say but apparently there's an incredibly stringent character limit on this site.