/bm/ - Body & Mind

>>1218
doublepost but the fumo is as good as mine now. No need to fear lack of money.

>>1212

I keep having to learn this the hard way, because I feel the need to cling to people like this due to not having much of any friends. I recently cut off a toxic friend that I noticed started acting more creepy around me the closer I was getting to them. They would stand too close and stare when talking to me, felt the need to follow me all the way to my destination when talking together - whether that be the front of my apartment room when we walk back from school (We live only two blocks apart!) or my class, create awkward silences, overshare about their sex life. I wouldn't be surprised if I made people even less willing to talk to me by being around them. I know at least one friend I introduced this person to started feeling uncomfortable herself when that person once again felt the need to bring up who they had slept with..while we were eating and in a very public place. That friend doesn't seem like she's really wanted to talk to me, since.

>>1220
I pray that you find somebody better and treat you better as well.

things are getting better. only about a year left of school before i can transfer to get my bachelors. have enough savings that i don't need to work until then. been taking nice long walks, enjoying nature. slowly but surely selling off 95% of my belongings before i have to leave. it's sort of solemn, but also freeing. even if things don't work out, at least i know each day i'm actively planning to make life better for my future-self.

Promising myself cigarettes for doing work actually pays off. I never "rewarded" myself yet but the illusion of there being one gets me going.

>>1200
I suggest you buy a doll to dress up in the meantime.

>>1200
It's very clear that you've put a lot of thought into all of this. You're ultimately more knowledgeable of your own situation and all this hinges on how you feel which is something that I don't know. I recommend that you do what you feel is right and if you've become certain over a much longer lifetime than mine that what you're doing is right for you then by all means do what you will do. It will probably be better for you. I also can relate to some of the things you said like I used to self insert as the female in porn and actually I usually read doujins about a man getting turned into a woman and having sex with a man. Pretty damning stuff honestly.

At the same time, I hope you do take my own experiences to heart. Also I think the user that says you should try dressing up a doll is giving some pretty good advice. I never thought about getting a trans gf or anything like that honestly. For a long time I was pretty confused about my sexuality but now I'm pretty sure that I'm attracted to men sexually but I'm incredibly skeptical of them. Anyways, I wish you all the best sis I hope that you find the right path for you. Best of luck in life.

>>1195
cis people also commit suicide kekw and they're also the biggest whiners i've ever fucking seen, imagine seeing someone identifying outside their assigned gender and getting so mad about it that you type essays about how they shouldn't do it. grow a spine already. maybe cis people shouldn't be allowed to join the military cuz of how weak willed they are. y'all crumble at the sight of a trans person. it's embarrassing.

OP speaking. Honestly looking back on all this it's interesting to see just how much I've changed. It's weird to see how a younger, sadder me saw my life and how that became the thread. I love you, dream chan, the good and the bad.

Now for the update. 6 months on HRT! Started dating! I'm more confident than ever. I love myself. Like I actually love myself. Saying that makes me tear up a bit because I never ever thought I'd be where I'm at now. Not in my wildest dreams. I'm happy and content in life. Sure there's rough edges and stuff but that can be made better. It feels a lot more achievable now too. I know it's vague but I don't really have much else to say. Stay safe everyone.

>>1224
Does that mean that you've been able to achieve inner peace with yourself?

>>1215
Passive agressive actions only serve to perpetuate cycles of misunderstanding and suffering.

What makes you feel you are unable to communicate your issues with this person directly?

>>663
>>665
It's important to be in a safe environment when you do it, and the best trip is inward - darkness and silence. Do not fight the experience, surrender to it, observe it. It won't last forever. If you go into it safely and excited to see what it has to offer, like you seem to be, it should go smoothly.

>>663
That's not a good idea

>>663
Realistically shrooms wont cure anything. They aren't an access to ayyliens, the demiurge, or anything else. At best it allows you to get in touch with your subconscious, at worse you open up a worm can you cant close. There are much safer ways to access your subconscious, see Jung's works. You wont be able to fix any issues that appear during psyches without knowing what to look for. If you're doing it for fun feel free, but take it slow and keep a benzo or two on hand if shit gets a bit too heavy to handle.

>>665
I am planning on growing mushrooms here soon for my very first time. Probably will try to do so a few times a year for personal use only. I've heard the rumors that you described about LSD along with other market drugs as well. There's a few that I personally want to try out but have been quite hesitant.

>Personally after tripping on LSD I only became more sure that I should kill myself
Do you only suffer from depression?

doing drugs while class is in session is :( i think its all in moderation. lsd and shrooms are reflections of your emotion so whenever people tell me they took acid at like 3 pm in their sad, dark apartment with people they don't know well it's like of course youre going to have a dog shit trip. i try and peak at like 1 pm

>>1207

This really sounds like a memory palace to me, you could look a bit into it ! I belive it's also called "method of loci", it's a really old way to remember things that unfortunately never worked for me…

So finally, I feel like that has left a mark on me and will make me even more different as time goes on. Because people had their teenage years. They had friends, had careless fun at parties, got into relationships. I've essentially just learned to hold myself together and I just feel different. Others have youth in them, energy, passion. While I as time went one essentially became more and more apathethic, with mostly bad emotions buried beneath the surface that come out if something reminds me of this and I start questioning if I missed out. The positive thing I guess from this is that I've learned to have determination, to be thoughful and have discipiline, but I still feel wrong. These things can be aquired at any time. What I missed on I have only few years left to (partly) do.

Also I don't have any place to even gain these experiences. High school ended, and my college has nothing. I just basically walk in, work on my laptop for few hours, and return home. There's nothing exciting to even do there, nothing happens. I just don't know what to do really. Should I go to a therapist with this, or is this something that I have to figure out on my own?
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>>1168
if you can afford it, therapy is always not a bad idea to at least try.

but what you're feeling, like your youth has been cut short, i can guarantee you almost everyone on the planet feels to some degree. also: teenage/college parties are a lot more hellish than you are probably romanticizing them to be. a lot of kids getting way too drunk and high, some overdosing mixing booze with pills, a lot of unwanted sex with intoxicated people, it's really kind of awful.if I were you, I would focus my therapy more on encouraging socialization, they will help you figure out ways to ease up to it and fight cognitive distortions you have regarding meeting new people.

if you focus your therapy on this feeling of 'missing you' you are likely to never get anywhere fruitful - that feeling of a 'missing' piece of ourselves somewhere out in the world is pretty much just the instinct that gets us to meet people and not die alone. there are a lot of opportunities now more than ever to meet people through the internet, find small niches you enjoy and talk to other people interested in them. i'm not really one for bars or 'normal' spots to socialize i can really relate to feeling cut off in that regard. but there are millions of people out there just as eager to socialize as you are, and probably a lot of them coming from a similar place of struggle with anxiety.

>>1170
Hey, OP here. While some things still are bad, I managed to get a big chunk of the issues out of myself by searching around, reading stuff about it and thinking about it. One of the issues I had with myself was that I internalized that there's something wrong with me, which made me feel bad because every time someone showed me any reaction that wasn't positive, (although I read every positive reaction as someone trying to trick me anyway) I felt it was because of something being off about me. And I had this since I was very young because I used to be someone who would be easy to get bullied for few reasons and my explanation for that there was just something wrong with me. But the thing is that even if that would be true, I would be ignored. Not hated. If you see someone as below you, you ignore them. You don't attack them with passion. You do that when you need to feel better about yourself. I realized that and I felt years of trauma disappear at once. I wasn't hated because there was something wrong with me, I was hated because petty and mentally weak people used me to feel better about themselves. I felt like I was born anew for few days after I realized that. that feeling passed away by now, but what remained is a feeling of fortitude. I just can't no longer be hurt by remarks about myself. I feel I'm above that and it really feels freeing. Hopefully I'll get to heal my mind more with time, but I felt like sharing this.

>>1156
>What do you think women do?
So men are women now?

>>1157
>>1160
You're both arguing with me, but what was your reason for going no fap in the first place? Porn/unhealthy fapping rots your brain and if you see women in your life as sexual objects, it's going to fuck with your day to day.

If you can imagine a realistic image of someone you know, I'm sure you have the capability to imagine a fake person too.

>>1161
porn doesn't 'rot your brain' you puritan. most people can have fantasies of people in their life while maintaining objective reality. obviously the best way to mitigate both problems is to get a real dedicated sexual and emotional partner.

>>1162
Having someone to satisfy your emotional and sexual needs does not stop porn from ruining your life. There's many people who continue watching porn after marriage and end up getting divorced because they start preferring porn and the high they get from fapping over their wife and either refuse sex entirely or begin cheating on their wives with someone who is more similar to the pornstars they watch or more willing to reenact what they see in porn. I disagree with >>1161 that masturbating to women you know is somehow worse than porn since imagination doesn't carry the same influence as visuals do but porn does rot your brain and has ruined many marriages due to people being unable to separate what they watch from what they have in real life.

>>1163
sounds like beta men who didn't want more than sex from the relationship in the first place. men will cheat on women whether they are watching porn or not, just seems to be a convenient scapegoat instead of holding the men accountable. i love porn and i've never had a problem staying loyal to the women i've been with. if anything the women i've been with have always been into way kinkier shit than me. really depends upon the man and the context more than the material itself. just like drugs, booze, just like anything, it's more complicated than blaming an evil scapegoat boogeyman.