3) Not learning my lesson. It's easy to say "oh yeah, there's a deadline coming up, I should do it." Ever since then, though, I've been realizing that I never actually learned my lesson. Every time, I always get bailed out. I almost didn't make it into a camp for the summer, almost didn't get the mark I wanted, but everytime, I would have an "oh shit" moment that catapulted my ass into actually doing what I was supposed to have done. As I grew older, I found it increasingly hard to make that happen.
For three years, I made halfassed attempts at making the nationals team for various science olympiads, biology and chemistry. I would just drown my pain in more internet.
Now, I'm dealing with the aftermath of not growing up. At heart, I'm still a little kid, always looking to avoid hardship and pain. I see the people I went to camp with going to the Ivy League, and I'm nearly certain to go to a state school(I think the program historically had 85%+ going to an Ivy/Ivy+ institution). I see them set on being aerospace engineers, biomedical, even one girl who got into a BS/MD program who's going straight into med school.
But all I am is nothing. I still am not sure what I'm going to become. I enrolled as a biochemistry major, sure. Beyond that? I can still transfer schools, and am probably going to grad school. (You see that? I don't even know what I want to end up becoming.) Doctor? Researcher? Professor?
I feel like shit because if I had some idea of what I wanted to do, and had the willpower to get that done, I would be in the clear by now. But I'm not. I'm just me, and I am so sick of it.
Sorry for dropping this here on a Thursday. Please, if you have anything at all to say, send me a message.