One result of this is that as a sexually immature (not even masturbating yet) young teenager, I was molested by one of the said emotionally damaged older women, and let me tell you, in the moment I was terrified. I was so scared I couldn't move, and I felt filthy afterward. But I internalized it and thought that was just how relationships were supposed to be, and I went on to hurt an innocent woman myself no, not rape or anything, just sort of pretending to like her and being intimate for the wrong reasons, which really really hurt her feelings
. I'd become what I hated, and again, let me tell you, it isn't as easy as it reads in the doujins - it feels fucking terrible, you question your own ability to feel love, think you're a filthy fucking abomination who destroys good things, attracts bad things, and deserves nothing but bad things, and frequently (again, people in my circle) become depressed and suicidal, because your ability to have relationships with women is fucking broken, but because you've gotten >hurr muh dik
you don't fit in with the wizards, and you don't fit in with the chads. You are an outcast, unfit, unwanted, and in-between groups. It may not seem like a big deal at all, but it has haunted me for years. I know I am very fortunate in most other respects, but I do not think I will ever be happy and have a family, so I feel like I am still below the worth of the normalfags. I don't want to go outside and be with people. They hate me, and I hate them, because I hurt.