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File: 1512787061944.jpg (21.88 KB, 390x480, Madotsuki.jpg)

No. 270 [Reply]

How many of you guys are hikkis? It is not something I am proud of personally, yet, it's only been about a month into my second relapse. Have any of you been through this, and have you any advice?
104 posts and 29 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

No.974

Not a hikki quite yet, but I am definitely a NEET, complete with SSI. I don't believe I'll ever fully be able to work because my public school teachers were so emotionally abusive that they purposely docked my grades. I can't even drive. I don't pay attention well enough.

I genuinely want to become better and live a life outside of being a NEET. It's my dream to open a little store where I sell handmade goods. No idea if I'll ever achieve it, but it's a nice thought to cling to when life gets rough.

No.976

I've rarely been a full hikki, since I would still be forced by my family to go to school or occasionally shopping, but I would become one on breaks and holidays. The closest I got to being a full one I suppose is 2 years ago when I lived away from home for the first time and spiraled into the worst depressive episode I've ever had. I stopped going to any of my classes through the middle of the semester and ate every single meal in bed. Essentially I only got up to shower and use the bathroom.

I think some bad life events that meant I would ultimately have to drop out of school if I continued being a hikki, such as my father refusing to support me financially at all anymore and my grandmother getting cancer (My mother decided to sell our house and leave the country to go care for her), made me start being more active in trying to get myself out of that lifestyle. I started self-studying Japanese, after having taken it for 4 years in high school, and it became a huge passion that I absorbed myself in learning all-day long. This was very important because up until then I don't think I had ever had a single thing in my life that I had been remotely passionate or disciplined enough to keep working at. I believe getting the discipline from that slowly started seeping improvements into other areas of my life, which is why the advice I always like to give now is to find a passion. It may sound like a tired cliche, but I do think it is extremely important to find some area or subject that you will do anything to get good at, so to speak. It can serve as a small light in your darkest tunnel.

No.1094

Recovering hiki here. I managed to get out of that lifestyle for awhile, but when the pandemic hit online classes and WFH job made me start relapsing. The most I've been going out is for grocery shopping once a week, but I started doing some stretches at home and now I'm trying to take a walk. It's calming and helps keep me active. I would say start small with basic at home stretches like I did, and that may start motivating you to go outside soon, as well.

No.1096

>>1094
the pandemic's lockdown order wreaked hell on so many people struggling emotionally/psychologically. im proud of your efforts, anon! do your best.

No.1110

i went from being something of a chad to a complete shut in. i didnt even know quarentine had happened. i had had a job that put me outside and in the company of my peers doing hard work every day but when i lost it i went into a downward spiral that ended in me sleeping on the floor of a studio apartment afraid to open my door. any time i went out i thought everyone could tell i was some kind of creep and that i made them feel unsafe. i think its all about momentum. if you can do a bit more each day you'll be able to return to being a functional adult. hygenine, spending time outside (wearing a mask, sunglasses, and a hat helps but try to take them off too), gym membership, part time job, education and so on. its not that its too complicated, most of it actually pretty straight foward. its just that doing it all at once is liking trying to get a millstone to roll at 60 mph with one swift kick.


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No. 1017 [Reply]

Why am I so sensitive? All I do is cry. Someone replies to me in a tone that doesn't sound nice and my brain hates it. What's wrong with me? Why can't I toughen up? Why do words affect me so badly?
20 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

No.1093

Not to pry OP, but have you grown up in a household where you regularly heard yelling and/or were the primary target of it? I have been like you for the longest time, and grew up in such a household so I think that may be one of the reasons. Even now, I can't stand any kind of yelling and it frightens me to the point I want to hide and cover my ears like a child.

I'm also over-sensitive because I've had very severe social anxiety since elementary school. Bullies would say something remotely cold and rude, which would make me full out sob. (My mother constantly made me like that from her verbal abuse too, hence my suspicion that it has much to do with my home environment ) They would then wonder why I was crying and make fun of me for said crying, too.

I've only stood up for myself a handful of times, but in the rare times I did, I took away the lesson that you need to overcome the feeling of sounding or seeming like an asshole when you do. Because you are already over-sensitive, you will feel like one no matter how you stand up for yourself. You'll still be tempted to just make yourself the problem, not the person who made you cry. Of course, there are ways of "standing up" for yourself that really will make you look like an asshole or even crazy, but I doubt you will use those ways, especially if you're still very much controlled by what others think of you. Just remember any such feelings are mostly in your head. If you want people to stop letting people mess with you, getting over them is the first step.

No.1095

>>1093
as someone with similar experiences concerning bullying and family fighting this is super solid advice op

No.1097

File: 1624237250341.jpg (33.43 KB, 640x462, help.jpg)

I'll be answering these from my perspective because I deal with simaler issues
>Why am I so sensitive?
Black & white thinking along with fear of humiliation. I can't really think of my self in shades of grey so if I get insulted I seem my self like a complete moron. Once I view my present self of a moron I can only see a future were my life is terrible due to my moronic mind and I get publicly humiliated, not in my friends group, but around the world, due to the same mistake. The fear of humiliation thing is an extension of the black & white thinking most likely.
>What's wrong with me?
Lack of stable identity. There is no "I" beyond the last comment I got and no more nuance in that "I" then good or bad. I can't be 'x who's good at c, but bad at b' I have to be good or bad. If I had a stable identity I could know I have inherent value.
>Why do words affect me so badly?
Previous question.

No.1098

>>1097
/2
>Why can't I toughen up?
You haven't found the root issue that's causing all of this and your just treating symptoms. Milk allergy isn't fixed through taking anti-itched meds, it's fixed by not eating milk.
Now onto solutions. This doesn't fix the core issue for me, but I know after an isnult I have a huge spike of emotion and then become moody while obsessing over the insult. If I can busy my mind during the first emotional peak I can avoid a breakdown. This ranges from watching a show I like for 5-10 min after a mean comment to doing math in my head to get my mind off the insult. I wont break down crying at the moment because of this.
The main problem with this is I end up lightly obsessing and being in a bad mood the rest of the day. In order to fix this whenever I have obsessive thoughts I try to meditate on how the average person would react, "AP doesn't care what internet rando's say because he's busy watching the news. AP thinks it's lame to obsessive over random things", to put it in perspective.

No.1103

File: 1626178056090.png (69.6 KB, 640x511, 7D50E4CB-4C67-419E-93FD-71….png)

I was reading the last few replies on this and just never got around to writing something but wow I can carnally relate to a lot of things y'all said, and I genuinely hope and wish y'all are doing okay and I wish I could say something more deep and profound but I don't really have anything… head empty


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No. 668 [Reply]

I searched all boards, and was surprised to not find a thread for tulpas considering the imageboard we're on. I'm sure a few of you should have one though, so let's share and discuss everything associated with tulpas and tulpa creation.

If anyone isn't familiar with this, a "tulpa" is an entity created by meditation and imagination, which splits off your own consciousness in your mind and learns to act, feel, and think independently as its own personality. It becomes very much like a real person that talks to you and you experience life with it, but it's different from an imaginary friend in that it's sentient. With enough concentration and practice you can eventually superimpose your tulpa onto your own subjective reality and feel it with all five senses like a real person. A "wonderland" is an imaginary world that you construct in your mind to hang out in with your tulpa, scenarios can begin unfolding there on their own if you learn how to get into a hypnotic state via meditation and it's not unlike dreaming. As for dreams, you can meet your tulpa there and experience the dream together like a multiplayer game. This is just a simple explanation, and there's also lots of other stuff that you can do with your tulpa, but most other people make them at least for some kind of companionship.

For those of you who have tulpas, tell us about:
>who they are, what they're like, what they look like
>your wonderlands, what goes on there
>their creation/development process, how long it's been
>what your life is like with them, how it changed for you because of them
>whatever interesting experiences or problems you had and anything else you wanna share
29 posts and 11 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

No.937

>tulpas will fuck you up in any meaningful way
If a tulpa does not recognize that its continued life relies on your health, wellbeing, and care for it, than you're probably dealing with a DID alter, or a demon lmao. not a tulpa
>do not make a tulpa if you are unprepared
Tulpas are actually very theraputic and helpful, if you're a loner, or need someone to look out for you verbally. Fleshed out tulpas can offer unique perspectives on things.
>i made friends so i didnt need my tulpa
this is retarded and cruel. get fucked.
>life moves past her attention
this is a truly difficult hurdle. when i had a wagie job, my tulpa was very young. i did my best to interact with her, and if anything, it increased a romantic bond, and a respitual feeling i would get from her between moments stolen where i could just embrace her, or laugh at her visual gags she would play on me.

her name is mont.

No.939

>>937
Glad you had a positive experience! I just couldn't handle a tulpa without my mind shattering, plus I only seem to attract negative entities so if I tried to create a tulpa no doubt they would turn on me and bad things would begin to happen. Plus I've talked about it with my therapist, and she agrees that it would be incredibly unhealthy for me.

No.940

>>674
Can you explain exactly what you mean by this? The idea in quantum physics that observation changes the outcome of an interaction is purely limited to the physical observation of small particles like the spin of an electron or the polarization of a photon. Plus you're not modifying the state by thinking about these things, the act of measurement collapses the possibility state into a single state which doesn't really have anything to do about your own subjective reality, it's an objective measurement.

No.946

>>939
if you dont trust your brain, than your best bet would be to practice meditation and in general wellness. cement yourself; clean out your body, meditate, pray (even if you're faithless). never let yourself remain vulnerable or weak. as fun of a life it may be, there is a reason the veil of content is pierced so easily, or all that is taken away.

No.956

>>946

Feels much easier said than done. I've been practicing my meditation however, especially at night, because I find a lot of peacefulness in it, especially in an inner sanctum.


File: 1580747294934.jpg (460.79 KB, 2560x806, alBNKH-NZrc.jpg)

No. 716 [Reply]

Let's talk about sleep and sleep health.

Napping for 30 minutes a day in addition to getting a full 8 hours of sleep every night (at the same time!) has been one of the best things I did to improve my life. I really recommend it for everyone. You will think much faster, you will remember things easier, ideas will just appear in your head easily, and you won't be so depressed. It feels like going from being a lifeless zombie on autopilot to Neo in the matrix.

Also, and more importantly, having to go sleep and nap every day at the same time provides a structure to my horribly unorganized life, I used to think it will make my life more confining than it is and waste my time, but it's the opposite, you actually gain more time the more often you nap and sleep throughout the day, and this simple schedule gives me something solid around which to organize other things in my day so I don't feel like I'm just drifting aimlessly. I want to give a shout out to the anon who posted Jordan Peterson, as it really confirms what he talks about in his lectures, at least in regards to having a schedule.
16 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

No.1082

File: 1620508957778.jpeg (48.35 KB, 720x1280, PlayboiCartiStandingGoat.jpeg)

>>1074
i just got 13 hours last night lets go

No.1083

File: 1620514506890.jpeg (38.77 KB, 600x640, 1A0F1845-2FD4-45DE-983D-6….jpeg)

>>1082
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO!!

No.1084

>>1082
>>1083
Oversleeping is also a sign of depression or a sleep disorder if it occurs regularly. Just something for other anons to keep in mind since we're talking about all around sleep health.

No.1085

>>1084
Oh sorry, all I meant was I’m happy for them since I thought they were the sleep deprived anon.

No.1086

File: 1620620263857.png (461.4 KB, 512x512, meme.png)

>>1085
a comedy of errors, in three parts

Its okay anons


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No. 1075 [Reply]

its overwhelming
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

No.1077

>>1075
are you new to chans? its kinda outside the culture to go by a name if you are

No.1078

>>1076

I think you left your name on

No.1079

>>1077
Oh, really? I kinda liked having my name on lol. Is it gonna be problematic for me in the future if I leave it? Also yes, I’m new

No.1080

>>1079
Traditionally, anonimity is supposed to allow people to focus on the quality of posts, rather than the reputaiton of the poster themselves. On less /comfy/ chans, you might get harassed because a name makes you stick out from the crowd.

No.1081

>>1080
ah, okay, thanks. i might start leaving it off then. hope i didnt cause too much trouble


File: 1601216800046.jpeg (313.09 KB, 1280x1280, 3E631FA3-3618-45B1-8E10-9….jpeg)

No. 1009 [Reply]

Does anyone here suffer with OCD? How do you cope? I have the incessant need trigger myself and make myself feel dirty. It's ruining my life.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

No.1014

I kinda regret making this post I'm sorry

No.1016

>>1009
I don't really cope, I end up repeating myself or my daily routine 4-5 times as if I mess up once I have to start all over again. It really bothers me and stresses me out at times.

No.1021

I dunno if this can possibly help you, but I too have to have to perfectly complete my routine, but what I do when I mess up, is I do everything backwards—literally—until I'm back at a state where I know everything before it was in order. For example, If I put toothpaste on my toothbrush before rinsing it, I suck the toothpaste back into the tube and then rinse the toothbrush, then put the toothpaste back on the toothbrush. It's really gross, but over all it's better than doing the whole routine over. I've also made that specific mistake only extremely rarely after I started using the backtracking trick. It's like a personal `undo.'
Another thing is I modularized my routine into self-contained subroutines, so that if I mess up, and I need to start over, I can start over at the start of the subroutine that I messed up.

No.1052

i got put on a mood stabilizer and it helped me, i still get the urges but i take it less badly when I can't follow up on them

No.1072

i have ocd too! heres some misc advice
-ignore what the other people say, therapy and medicine can help and is a perfectly valid way to receive help. their pessimistic viewpoints wont help you at all.
-if you can resist the compulsion for thirty minutes you can sometimes bypass it entirely. start with small resistances and set timers, or when it comes time to preform the action make a mistake in doing so
-if you compulsively wash your hands like I do, try using bar soap instead of liquid (better for hands) and use lotions/vaseline for roughness
-trying to raise your self love can help you to respect your own triggers
-dont fight the intrusive thoughts, simply let them be. write them down and burn em or scribble over it or whatever. but don't give the thought power by fighting it or arguing with it, simply acknowledge it and let it dissipate with time
I hope things get better.
lots of love,
dyna


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No. 1066 [Reply]

I feel like my mind is in a cage, like, i dont act like a normal person, i know im not a normal person, but everytime someone asks me if im okay i dont know what to say, even know im struggling so hard trying to find the words for what happens to me, can you give me some advices on how to improve on my comunication with people? it feels like everytime i try to talk to someone, there's a voice in my head that tries to sabbotage everything, tells me what to say and doesn't allow me to be myself, i swear i dont know who i am anymore

No.1067

>>1066
I always instantly regret talking to someone and sharing any details about myself. I struggle really hard to attempt to be social as I was many years ago. Things are a lot different in life then they were before. I have this raging desire to do more as well as be more. I probably come off as awkward but at this point I'm trying to put myself in more uncomfortable situations. I need to learn how to split my personal life in the real world and then have my own through my "digital" one. I also need to make sure to remind myself that is okay. I don't have to be just one side of myself at all times. We as human beings are very complex and sometimes the conversations we have we'll say things we regret. I'm going to try to start taking that as a lesson to learn. If I notice something off with what I say or go through that pain of regret after I walk away from talking to someone. I'm going to try to work on myself to practice harder for the next time. It may be kind of terrible to say but I think I'm going to begin to practice lying somewhat as well. Nothing major, just little small lies or random off-topic stuff for small talk.
1/2

No.1068

>>1066
Which has always been my weak-point in most casual settings. I have a bad habit of wanting to share more then I need to in attempts to feel closer to someone in person as well. I don't connect well with others but for some reason I've been able to get some people that has come and gone throughout my life to treat me like some sort of priest who they have confessed great as well as terrible things to. Granted that was more common many years ago when I was more stable than I am today. I hope to be able to regain a lot of who I was that I have lost throughout the years with all of the hardships and pain I have greatly suffered. Sorry if it seems as if I'm just rambling but if you want to take any pointers from my post and try to apply them yourself maybe it could help. Either way, good luck OP.
2/2


File: 1613261688710.jpeg (31.45 KB, 280x285, 23C7BF5B-AF9F-4E46-9779-3….jpeg)

No. 1054 [Reply]

Painting by David Ditchfield.

Tell me about your (or any) near death experiences. Or out of body experiences. I'm fascinated by them.

No.1057

looks like a benis…


File: 1596427893202.jpg (305.21 KB, 1000x1413, book room.jpg)

No. 960 [Reply]

Post what you did today to work towards your goals. Or if you did nothing, reflect on why and how you'll do better (don't be too hard on yourself though, perhaps you can even still do something today, even if small?). Hopefully you will feel more motivated and accountable.

>why not just use deeds?
I don't want to spam deeds for boring or very minor things, I'm ok with posting it in a thread though.
8 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

No.994

That ending situation possibly could have ended up worse and brought slight paranoia to me. Overall, the day was about attempting my goal of trying to get out of the house to focus on self-improvements one day at a time. The only other comments I have to make about the day is I don't see how people honestly work 8 hours a day while wearing a mask, I'm glad we didn't stay in locations very long as I was already suffocating after 15-25 minutes of wearing my mask. I'm not sure what I plan on doing next, I guess I'll try to visit or reach out to other family while also possibly working on some physical routine. Maybe even try cleaning up a little bit around the house. I'm not sure what to do about work yet as I'm still not yet ready to take that leap. But it's hard to not feel stressed out with everything going on when you don't have a source of income and my girlfriend has already been as patient with me as she has. Sorry for the long blogpost, hope everyone else is well, and doing what they can to make it through their personal ordeals. (Post 6)

No.995

Sorry that I had to split >>989 >>990 >>991 >>992 >>993 >>994 into six parts, didn't realize that the post limit size was what it was on here. It's been a while since I've been on here and thought I'd return once and a while. Another goal that I've been trying to achive is to communicate with others after a long period of isolation from any type of networking whatsoever. I'm trying to get the hang of honestly, just living again.

No.996

I continued with getting out of the house again today. This time I didn't really go anywhere in public, just got picked up and visited with my grandma for a couple of hours. Played with the dog a little bit even though I eventually started to get annoyed with it. Then ate dinner with her, helped back up some files for her onto laptop, and came home. The visit went okay, she ended up getting me a new pair of shoes which I needed while she was out earlier in the day. Once I got home, I felt somewhat motivated to do a small bit of house work. I changed the filter in the house, did some laundry, and took out the trash. My goal of self-improvement is still running it's course for two days in a row. I'm hoping I don't lose focus and start to slump back into my depression as well as become unmotivated to do anything again. Coming on here and posting about it as well as the "deeds" section is nice. I've thought on possibly making a blog or working on a small webpage. I just really don't want to throw an actual "personality" with it but maybe go by a pseudonym. I don't want a lot of attention towards me or my actual identity. Maybe just some way to keep somewhat an online diary of sorts of my day to day life with various topics. Of course at this time, it's just a mere thought.

No.997

I focused more on my mental health today by having a couple of self induced pep talks. Followed with some minimal straightening up around the house, such as throwing some stuff away and making the bed. Then I ate some dinner and tried some meditation. I wanted to keep myself calm as I started to feel some anxiety throughout the early parts of the day. It seemed to help for the most part. I'm going to try to find something different to take care of throughout the night hours. I might just relax and watch a movie, I'm not entirely sure yet.

No.1053

This makes me sad because I used to set goals with my girlfriend every day. We'd wake up in the morning, greet each other with a goodmorning, and list our goals for the day. It was great.

Now, though, she's really been having difficulty with her depression, and I want her to be the best she can but it's so hard having to be emotionally there for her all the time and still try to do my own things. I feel like I'm getting bogged down and it sucks because I think she is such a wonderful person who doesn't deserve to feel such pain.

I'm a big believer that what you believe is reflected in what you do, but I really am torn as to what to do. I love her so much, but I'm tired and what I do is only a bandage on what the underlying issues are. She's been too busy to see a therapist and therapy in the past hasn't been too good for her. I'm sorry if this doesn't fit in, but I just wish someone out there could hear me and not think poorly on her. I wish I could be stronger for her.


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No. 1025 [Reply]

my adhd is getting to an unmanageable point. My motivation is gone, and all that I can focus on are my distractions. I wish for relief from the hell I am trapped in. I have dreams and aspirations and most importantly assignments due but I am stuck in this hell.

I hate my screen, I hate YouTube, I hate reddit, I hate 4chan. I am lost in the modern world. I need help
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

No.1027

File: 1604125114361.webm (454.08 KB, trump.webm)

>>1025
see a doctor

No.1030

>>1027
I second this.

Meditation could help, OP. It usually helps those feeling lost.

No.1032

>>1025
2 things. Get a good site blocker that can't be removed (I recommend cold turkey). Block every slacking site, even educational ones like youtube, for a certain time block and slowly increase it.

Next try to deconstruct why you're not doing work. Often it's a feeling of shame, so learn to forgive yourself, or an overwhelming feeling, break the task down than. If it's adhd you should look into the methods they use to start tasks

Again if it's ADHD I'd look into starting medication or taking an off the counter stimulant, coffee, to start building those good habits and then weening off.

Finally what helped me if repeating that starting an assignment or going without social media wont kill me

No.1045

>>1025
go walk or take the bus as far as you can and get lost for a little while

No.1046

>>1025
I'm also stuck in a hellish void of doing literally nothing but staying in an "imageboard loop" where I just go from imageboard to imageboard then I'll masturbate. Fix something to eat or some coffee. Might watch an episode of an anime or a 30-60 minute documentary. Then repeat until I go to bed at the crack of dawn just to repeat again each and everyday. I've been like this for at least 5 years straight now.


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