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Because you don't believe that you can. Yes, it's a cliche. Yes it's unhelpful; it is still true. I used to feel exactly the same way as you did, as though my life was on rails and completely out of my control. I had vague ideas of things that I thought I might want, but never for a moment believed that they would be achievable or could actually happen.
It may not surprise you to hear that I was very depressed for some time; ironically, it was when it got unbearable that I set myself free, completely by accident. I bought some heroin and lots of valium off the darknet with the aim of downing a bottle of vodka and dieing (inb4 not the most effective method, yada yada yada).
And then it occurred to me. Just sitting in despair in my room living off handouts, I could get access to some of the most powerful drugs the world has ever known delivered straight to my door. Isn't that crazy? Imagine what I could do if I put my mind to it!
Look the point of all this is that you need to embrace the absurdity. Chase a whale. Push a boulder up a hill. Smoke some rocks. Just do <something>, for Christs sake. Not something you never thought you could do, because you'll mentally block yourself from doing it. Do something entirely new, that is entirely unlike you.
It could be as simple as getting dessert.
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I feel man. Every time I want to get into something new or study a subject, after some time I lose interest and drive to ever look at it again.
I've fallen so many times into this spiral of apathy and despair.